Thursday, October 6, 2011

Reification

This is great.

Also great:  automatic links!  I don't have to get head pains trying to share something!  My world is transformed.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Scale

I got on it.  I'm somewhere between where I started and where I ended up.  If anyone wants to play "warmer, colder" I'll do that too, but mainly I'm just relieved it's a little less than I feared and less than last time, and seems to bear some loose relationship to reducing the sugar in my diet.  I was bobbing through health blogs last night, and encountered one by Hanlie where she describes getting on the scale and being taken aback by the result-- who among us can't report the same?  I still have flashbacks of starving myself in the 80s to get the needle to flip from 136 to 135, and putting rocks in my pocket in 1980 so when my parents weighed my anorexic self they would be deceived by a pound or two.  It is nice not to be so tied up in knots about it.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Reflection

Blogger Has Changed, probably for the better, once I get the hang of it. But it is very strange to see all this new stuff. Page views! Traffic patterns! Links! I'm good with rambling in obscurity, really. Hoping I didn't somehow link myself via Google plus with my Clark Kent persona... you'll let me know, won't you?

After watching my lecture on sugar, I have been finding it relatively easy to eat less of it. No idea whether this will show benefits on the scale, but I'm feeling empowered about it. In particular I am on the warpath about imbibing sugar via liquids, including juice, so we will see how much of a dramatic transformation that effects in self and family.

Enjoyed reading a favorite blog of old-- Gravel and Rust, have you read it? I would link but it's too damn late. Google it, okay? In one post Roxie mentions having to do work on her tendency to experience shame easily-- I find this to be true of myself, particularly when it comes to my work life. I don't know whether it's having grown up with a moderate dose of ADD or what-- my mother wasn't particularly shaming, not sure what it's about. In my case I hardly think about being paid (which is dysfunctional right there, I realize). I worry about whether I know enough or handle things correctly or provide the right kinds of feedback. I get very tense and even unhappy about it. I am hostile towards those I feel are overconfident professionally, which I suspect is partly because I envy them. I have to remind myself that my work life doesn't equal me. I could conceivably fail and go into other work and still have a happy life, it's okay.

I have other areas of shame-- certain aspects of parenting. I think of myself as lazy and sensual-- not that lazy sensuality is in every case a bad thing :), but it's like sugar, a little goes a long way. I hate the trouble I have keeping my goals/tasks from falling out of my brain, but I try not to blame myself for that one-- it's truly the way I'm wired and not a choice.

What I can do something about is indolence. I will procastinate and flubber trying to avoid the expenditure of mental or physical energy, as if it's money, something I won't get back.  But that's not true, the expenditure of energy means you have more, not less.  It is totally possible to overdo it, but that's not really the side I tend to have trouble with.  Basically my natural tendency is to (metaphorically) skip the vegetables and nibble the candy. Probably shame is one way I overcome that inertia but I'm always open to better ones.