Thursday, October 6, 2011

Reification

This is great.

Also great:  automatic links!  I don't have to get head pains trying to share something!  My world is transformed.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Scale

I got on it.  I'm somewhere between where I started and where I ended up.  If anyone wants to play "warmer, colder" I'll do that too, but mainly I'm just relieved it's a little less than I feared and less than last time, and seems to bear some loose relationship to reducing the sugar in my diet.  I was bobbing through health blogs last night, and encountered one by Hanlie where she describes getting on the scale and being taken aback by the result-- who among us can't report the same?  I still have flashbacks of starving myself in the 80s to get the needle to flip from 136 to 135, and putting rocks in my pocket in 1980 so when my parents weighed my anorexic self they would be deceived by a pound or two.  It is nice not to be so tied up in knots about it.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Reflection

Blogger Has Changed, probably for the better, once I get the hang of it. But it is very strange to see all this new stuff. Page views! Traffic patterns! Links! I'm good with rambling in obscurity, really. Hoping I didn't somehow link myself via Google plus with my Clark Kent persona... you'll let me know, won't you?

After watching my lecture on sugar, I have been finding it relatively easy to eat less of it. No idea whether this will show benefits on the scale, but I'm feeling empowered about it. In particular I am on the warpath about imbibing sugar via liquids, including juice, so we will see how much of a dramatic transformation that effects in self and family.

Enjoyed reading a favorite blog of old-- Gravel and Rust, have you read it? I would link but it's too damn late. Google it, okay? In one post Roxie mentions having to do work on her tendency to experience shame easily-- I find this to be true of myself, particularly when it comes to my work life. I don't know whether it's having grown up with a moderate dose of ADD or what-- my mother wasn't particularly shaming, not sure what it's about. In my case I hardly think about being paid (which is dysfunctional right there, I realize). I worry about whether I know enough or handle things correctly or provide the right kinds of feedback. I get very tense and even unhappy about it. I am hostile towards those I feel are overconfident professionally, which I suspect is partly because I envy them. I have to remind myself that my work life doesn't equal me. I could conceivably fail and go into other work and still have a happy life, it's okay.

I have other areas of shame-- certain aspects of parenting. I think of myself as lazy and sensual-- not that lazy sensuality is in every case a bad thing :), but it's like sugar, a little goes a long way. I hate the trouble I have keeping my goals/tasks from falling out of my brain, but I try not to blame myself for that one-- it's truly the way I'm wired and not a choice.

What I can do something about is indolence. I will procastinate and flubber trying to avoid the expenditure of mental or physical energy, as if it's money, something I won't get back.  But that's not true, the expenditure of energy means you have more, not less.  It is totally possible to overdo it, but that's not really the side I tend to have trouble with.  Basically my natural tendency is to (metaphorically) skip the vegetables and nibble the candy. Probably shame is one way I overcome that inertia but I'm always open to better ones. 

Monday, April 18, 2011

Let Them Eat Cheese

For those of you who want to power your paranoia about sugar:

Is Sugar Toxic?

Flood waters of my first semester teaching are starting to recede around me. I've missed you all -- *mwuh mwuh*. I got on the scale yesterday, which was not as bad as I feared, though it does kind of unwind me back to-- let me check my sidebar-- July of 2009. I haven't resorted to The Other Wardrobe, which I think I boxed and put in the attic, but the current wardrobe definitely has that gaping-pocket thing going. That's okay, because I've been hoisting my weights and I have confidence the above article is going to help with cutting back on the sugar creep. For the kids too. Yikes.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Blogging Helps

I took a minute to reconnect with my blog acquaintances, and it looks I am not the only one going through winter AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dark/ice/school delays/anxiety/terrible scale numbers/work/committments = yuck.

But I see I'm not the only one, so obscurely, and probably uncharitably, I feel a little bit better.

This morning my geste in the face of chaos was Eziekiel toast with butter and 2 eggs. I made tea. I haven't consumed any diet soda yet, though I feel it coming on. Last workout was Jazzed Pilates on Monday with my daughter (yay!)

I need to relax and imagine that I have time, and maybe it will magically become true :) And I need to take one minute to remember the following:

my husband
my kids
safe warm house
gainful employment
good health
my sweet father even if he is 2,000 miles away
car that works
nice bloggers who help me even when they don't realize it
friends near and far
naturally curly hair
new progressive lenses that don't make me all that sick

Today's task is to enjoy things as much as I can, relax, and find something for dinner that is warm and pleasing and not too blatantly carbolicious. Suggestions welcome :)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Yikes, Third Iteration

Time for a terse bullet-style post.

*It's January WHAT? Found out my car inspection is 6, yes, 6 months out of date. Hopefully none of my readers are local police.

*Slip-SLIIIIDIN' away, Paul Simon style. Though I am not losing my hair. I believe he has a very nice rug these days anyway, and to his credit, he was never fat.

*I think Diet Pepsi is currently a big problem, as is slipping chocolate multiple times a day.

*I have been loving certain things not being a problem, such as achy bones, a wary attitude towards movement, shopping in the Big Girl store, and phobias about cameras, scales and fasting bloodwork. Not to mention certain other current non-problems which might become problematic again if care is not taken. I know what I mean by this++. Nuff said.

*Zumba yesterday-- yes, I was as graceful as a box of rocks, but I did it. Weights today-- 36 lunges total as I don't want to be crippled.

*Working on the basics of the plan, which is eating 4/5 times a day (without slipping chocolate chips an additional two or three times), exercising every day that is not a 10 hour workday (I have those now) in some way or other.

*Making iced tea. Drinking water daily. This I can do.

*Will report back.

*How are YOU?

++Just say, hypothetically, all children safely disposed of, putting your bare legs in your husband's lap, having him mutter something mildly positive and then lean forward and become riveted to the movie. If this hypothetically ever WERE an issue, it is decidedly a NON-ISSUE now, but it would be pretty unpleasant to have it recur, wouldn't it? Hypothetically.