Saturday, June 10, 2017

Another Snit Post

Or maybe just a sad post.

School's let out, so I have been an amazing blur of fitness activities. Daily exercise of either trail hikes or Jazzercise.  The sun's been shining and I feel good!  Until I read a self help book!  Now I feel terrible!

It was a self-help book about Marriage. As someone with a Marriage I value highly, I thought I would read it and see if I could garner some helpful thoughts. I deleted the Kindle Unlimited feeling more or less devastated.

It's written by a Christian Pastor, which is sometimes a bit of a yellow light for me. I am a church-going leftie Christian myself, but there are some forms of Christianity which make me really batty so I exercised caution going forward. He seemed to be older (my age? older?) and frankly admitted to a marriage failure which was very painful for him. (Where all this fits into a fitness blog which become clear, hang in there).  He cited an oddly high statistic for infidelity, 70ish percent for women and men, which is higher than you normally see in general and quite a bit higher than you usually see for women, making me think, Ah, he cheated.  Well, it happens. He felt this failure gave him unique insight and maybe it does. He has the Perfect Romantic Marriage with his second wife whom he met on Eharmony, so he thinks his scientific method really works.

So what's the scientific method?  Beyond the familiar and perfectly valid Love Tank business-- (1) women should put out whether they feel like it or not and (2) they DEFINITELY shouldn't change physically from initial factory condition. Don't cut your hair, change how you smell (?) and DEFINITELY don't gain weight. Because Men Are Visual.

There's other bits-- women are the emotional gatekeepers of marriage. Men are simple beings, etc etc. He writes that his first wife asked for the divorce-- he does not explicitly reveal why, but it's pretty clear he cheated on her after she wouldn't sleep with him. Based on textual emphasis, we can guess she Changed (gaining weight seems statistically the most likely), he lost attraction, she felt hurt and closed down the marital bed, he went elsewhere, she booted him, and he experienced quite a lot of pain from the divorce.

It's easy to get annoyed by all this but mostly I'm struck by how sad it is. Because it's a different story depending on what you think about weight change.  If you believe that it is mostly voluntary and preventable, then motivation like keeping a loving marriage should be enough to overcome just about anything.  If a partner gains weight, they are being lazy or careless enough to jeopardize their partner's feelings of affection and their children's security-- that's huge.

If you believe that weight gain is mostly involuntary, it's an even sadder story.  Because the marriage has broken down over something that's no more preventable than a car accident or an illness.

And that's why our cultural narrative matters so much.  There's a lot of data about weight and health out there. There's not very much to show that weight gain is reversible.  People can and do alter their weights, sometimes permanently, but the statistics are not favorable. Prevention of weight gain may be a different story, but it's hard to study.  Last I checked, weight is thought to be about 80% hereditable. It may well be that this was the necessary evolution of this man's marriage-- a slim, physically affectionate wife was super important to him, and in the end that's what he got, although he had to change horses mid-stream.  Probably better than perpetually wanting something from his wife that she was just not able to give him.

I could take from this story that this guy is not a very admirable person for insisting that women must avoid weight gain if they want to stay married.*  I could take pains not to marry someone like that. (Whew!) The melancholy nugget I prefer to salvage from this particular shipwreck is accepting that this marriage, and ones like it, broke down for something that was probably outside anyone's control.  I will go out on a limb and say that I don't think castigating the male partner for sexism or faulty taste is helpful-- attraction is a fickle beast, and not necessarily something you can voluntarily change any more than weight.  But the burden of the persistent cultural message-- that you can fix it if you just try hard enough, that if you haven't fixed it, you're lazy or you don't really care-- is something we can try to change.

Anyway-- I feel a little better now. Off to take a walk on the trail with my husband, whom I will try very hard not to be giving the side-eye since he has vigorously protested being tarred with this particular brush, LOL.

*My FIL who was a colorful character cheated on his first wife after she got fat having kids. (HIS kids, I will waspishly point out.) He told his second wife, my MIL, upfront that he would divorce her if she gained weight. She was on board with that, having quite a lot disdain for fat people herself. She did not gain weight, but she did get old and critical, he cheated on her, and she divorced him.  After which she quit smoking and gained 30 pounds. My FIL never did quit smoking, but he lived to a sere 85 doing things his way. If there's a moral there.



Thursday, May 11, 2017

Humph

So I seem to be in the same place as last summer--- I have my fabulous new program of moderation that is not, sadly, resulting in any particular weight lost from my personal body. I'm a few pounds down, I definitely like this way of eating.  My sugar consumption is down and vegetables are up. Meals are more satisfying and more social. I don't get caught chewing. But I'm not cutting enough, or exercising enough, to move the needle much. I've lost a handful of pounds (maybe five?) in the two months. But the sacrifice is so mild it feels kind of good, except when I can't sleep because I'm hungry and when that happens I'm having a damn snack, ok? So I'm going to hang with it. I'm hoping in the summer I can get more movement in and that might buy me a few more pounds or at least shift my body composition so my face is not so plump.

That's the state of the union. Sorry I don't have a tale of triumph or at least some interesting face-plant to tell you about. Next time.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Can I Share My Testimony?

So I am in the evangelist stage of my Thing. My adult son and daughter have been very good natured about it. My son even said he'd do NoS with me. My son is a young adult "flatting" with friends (actually they share a house, but I love that term. Check out the New Zealand vampire flick "What We Do In The Shadows" if you want a rather gross giggle.)  So there's not a lot of regularity to his meal structure. I am feeling rather preachy about the value of fasting between meals, if you can dignify a five hour span with that term. It's reaaaally hard initially if you're not used to it, but once your body gets the memo and stops pumping out insulin 18 hours a day (I am picturing these overworked drones manning the beta cells), it gets so. much. easier.  DH is onboard (he always quietly does whatever health measure I'm attempting, without much vocalization or apparent difficulty.  At least until it came to quitting diet soda. That he has found quite tough.)

It's not that NoS is easy, necessarily, but it's the easiest method I've found that's effective. The weekends are a little easier to manage because they feel like a relaxing of boundaries rather than a snatch and grab. Though there is some snatch and grab going on when there's stress, to be sure.  I enjoy the gentle practice of self-care-- this little piece of discipline that makes me feel somehow, I dunno, more complete as a person. There's less GERD and flatulance (the beloved power couple!) and more gustatory and social enjoyment at meals.  My weight trend is down instead of up (yay) so even if it's quite slow, I'm okay with it.

Note to self-- some foods I want to eat daily or close to it:

berries
beans
dates, figs, prunes in moderation
whole grains/rye
whole grain cereal
broccoli (thank you, Rainbow Salad)
pear/apple
nuts

A commenter nudged me about my exercise. Which is a Thing. I do a few Sun Salutations here and there and work in the garden, but it's definitely waaaay lacking. My life is pretty filled with work and second shift, and I'm not good about making room for it.  I noticed a local Jazzercise class I'd like to try.  (How not-hard-core can you get?) But it's better to start somewhere. So next time I check in  I hope to have more to report.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Not Iron Fist

PSA. It's just silly. The guys are watching-- they enjoy making fun of it.  I hear Luke Cage is much better.

Taking a moment to be grateful for my awesome husband. I had a very pleasant food day, three agreeable meals and a hot cocoa at four. I've lost a little weight, my blood sugars are better, and I'm feeling quite comfortable and peaceful around food.  And I'm realizing partly why I can do this is that I don't get any pressure at home. My husband has never been anything been positive about me, never commented on what I do or don't eat except to occasionally worry that I have not had enough-- he knows I take the family's health and my own seriously, and that I try to keep that in mind when I'm feeding us.  I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to somebody who commented on what I was eating, insisted on stocking junk food, whatever.

Need to step up exercise. I have been getting up early some days for a bit of exercise in the morning, but have not been consistent-- poor sleep, etc throw me off easily. I need to do real exercise at least a few times a week, gotta get that figured out.

FBS 96 this morning.


Tuesday, March 28, 2017

But It's So Boring

Still liking No S very much-- progress being made generally I think, though only a couple of pounds in the weight department. But it's so simple, it leaves very little to talk about. Time for a bullet list:

* In case you didn't get it the first 27 times: No sweets, no snacks, no seconds, except on Sssssaturday, Ssssunday and Sssspecial Days, or if you are that snake from Sesame Street.

*Think I convinced my pancreas it's okay. Not thinking about food much between meals for the most part which is lovely.

*Meal planning is less onerous, because meals have assumed more importance-- I'm hungry and I want something yummy.

*Next step is easing back on portions.

*Need to move more, always.

*Thanks to Oregon Cottage, I discovered the use of magnesium supplements for my chronic problem not to be named*.  Life changing. Seriously.

*I know I am yelling down a well, but if you're reading this, I hope you're having a good spring.

*Kinky Boots on Broadway was great. We had lunch at the Starlight Diner. My daughter said, "This is the best meal of my life and the food isn't even that good!"

*constipation

Friday, March 10, 2017

Careful, Tantor*

This marks one week, and I am thinking I am ready for a tweak, which is to do something about my portions at dinner. Which are large. Because I have often been eating after a less than ideal 7 hour fast. Though I am proud of myself for fasting for 7 hours-- I didn't even know I could.  The other tweak is to try not to eat at 7, because that is a looong time from a 12:15 lunch. In all I think I am doing surprisingly well not snacking, not even particularly tempted yet (resolve is strong so far).

The biggest threat I foresee is getting discouraged because I'm not losing weight, resolving I have to be stricter, and getting strict in ways that feel punitive and unsustainable. So it could go that way.  

Or, I could find that the inconvenience of not snacking or eating candy and desserts during the week is insignificant compared to the inconvenience of being insulin resistant and frequently hungry (or whatever you choose to call it when your stomach is full but your cells are crying out for glucose). I could keep it up and slowly but steadily drop some of my extra pounds.

Nothing exciting happening on the scale but I was not expecting too much yet. If I can drop a couple of pounds this months I will be happy. Ok, three pounds. Three pounds I will be happy. Four pounds I would be happier :)


*So if you've read Jonathan Haidt's Happiness Hypothesis, you know about the elephant and the rider. I picture mine listening attentively while I tell it, "And now, Tantor, I'd like you to weave between the flowerbeds.  Ok?"