Monday, November 30, 2009

C25K

I downloaded the ap for my Iphone, having read about it on Melissa’s blog This thing is way cool. You listen to your own music and it cues you when to walk and when to run. The only problem is your playlist has to be set up first. I used one of my kids'. It went great until Piano Man came on and I had to finish the last two minutes in silence. Something happened around the time of my first child. I can't do spinny rides any more and I can't listen to Billie Joel. Inexplicable.

Saturday I lured the family out for an hour and a half on the trail-- a pleasant way to get back in the saddle. Sunday I veg'd inexusably. (I am deep in my NaNoWriMo, even though today is technically the last day and I am 13,000 words and about 40% of the plot short. I'm going to drive on, though.) Having done day 1 of C25K I am feeling pleasantly virtuous. My husband has just strongly endorsed my working on my book, despite the fact it is not going to add any money or productivity to the family store, which means I have one more for my thankful list under heading of "Husband." He bought cold cuts for dinner and is volunteering to go to my daughter's basketball pictures, so I am loaded for bear. I think I can knock off another 5,000 words tonight.

I am so deep in my book (not to mention my real job) that I have not been commenting on my beloved blogs. Please know that I am reading and enjoying them. Still there under the page hits and keeping track of how you're doing. I think I have about 1/2 a pound from Thanksgiving which is not too daunting. My ultimate goal is to get down to the 150s but if I make 171 by New Year's (1.5 pounds!) I will be very happy.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I Almost Forgot

My Thankful List

my little one's freckles and how sweet she feels when I hold her
my middle one's competence and beauty
my oldest one's gallantry and his crooked sense of humor
seltzer in cans
my husband's body
his kindness
his handmade furniture
his working hard to provide so I can take care of the kids
paperwhites
boxwood garlands
the leafy, the viney, the twiggy
fires
kickball
my dad
relativity explained on a napkin
the young
the old
the harried middle-aged (that would be me)
my sunroof (it's a 2nd hand Civic, but still)
Wegman's
Danish blue cheese
Arizona, even though I don't live there anymore
chickens, because I'm gonna have some one day
the Appalachian Trail
WL blogs
Itunes
my BLACKBERRY
my beautiful mother, whom I had for 24 wonderful years
the essential goodness in human nature
believing in same

Friday, November 27, 2009

Checking In

As the wise Foodie McBody has pointed out, "It's either a losing week or a learning week." I'm guessing I'm in the middle of a learning week. My plans to exercise came to naught. Cold wet weather + many beloved but project-intensive houseguests. Just today we went clothes shopping, bought fabric, sewed pants, made soap, and decorated a gingerbread house. I also dropped and picked daughter up at basketball practice, dropped and picked husband/son up at Ninja Assassin ("Enough blood for a water park"), drove to two malls and a fabric store, and provided food for eight people followed by the cleanup. Twice. And I'm tired. I'm also a little scared about how I'm going to manage the coming winter. My schedule is getting horribly full. I hope the Blackberry can save me. Pant pant.

Ok. Breathe. My dear and well-loved friends are leaving tomorrow and I can send all the off-the-menu stuff with them. Before the holiday I was doing well with planning my meals and staying under 1600 calories (radical stuff for me). I am a little sad with myself for not staying more with the plan the last couple of days, at least in terms of exercise. I have trouble setting boundaries under these circumstances. If I were sure myself-- making plans to exercise, for example-- my friends would support me. But because I want them to feel celebrated and have a nice time, I don't feel okay about absenting myself for a couple of hours to do that.

It's all okay. Back in the saddle. I enjoyed my holiday foods very much, but I don't feel very good on them, so there's some feeling of relief about getting back to my prior routine.

One nice plus was seeing the pictures. There were my dear and beautiful family/friends and there was me, and I looked fine. Not gorgeous, but normal, the way I have pictured myself mentally for years-- isn't that funny? In my mind I've been twenty pounds lighter all along Going shopping things fit and looked right and came from the middle of the rack. I didn't undertake this for those benefits, but gosh they're nice.

Monday, November 23, 2009

This Should Please the Planners Out There

(You know who you are.)

In my last post I was a little too waffly for the more goal-directed of you. I just ponied up for a Blackberry, which I am hoping will increase my abysmal efficiency rating. I plotted out everything to eat today within 1600 calories, and at 7 pm I'm on track, so keep your fingers crossed.

Because the thing is, planning works really well, but if I had to depend on it, I would still be buying size 18 jeans. I am simply awful at it. Not a strength. The naturally organized may find it hard to believe, but if I had to plan my pregnancies, my children would've been born without crucial organs. I've lost 10% of my body weight without more than the most rudimentary planning or writing down. What I do is exclude certain foods from my diet. Some people would hate that and find it intolerable. For me it leaves me with very little to keep track of ("YOU DON'T EAT BAGELS, REMEMBER, BONEHEAD?")and my calorie intake drops naturally by not eating desserts, bread, or full-fat cheese 6 days out of 7. The result is I'm not homing like a Polaris missile on my weight target, but on the plus side, by keeping my energy balance only slightly to the left of center, I'm eating pretty much as I expect to eat forever, and my body is slowly moving in the right direction even though I probably average around 2000 calories a day.

Still, I have a Blackberry now, so I expect to achieve my goal weight followed by world domination by Christmas. Stay tuned.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Hottie Update & The Plan

I had to laugh as our leader South Beach Steve refers to us that way. So I get to say that no matter what my body fat percentage is, right?

On my big goal, I have inexplicably dropped a pound. I didn't really deserve to drop a pound. I have been eating around maintenance most days, but I guess my body got confused. Probably one of those lost-muscle things but I'm going with it. So 173-1 equals 172. Only one more pound to achieve my big goal by New Year's. That will be 10% since starting this blog so that's cool.

I have a new goal I am totally excited about. It is achieving social exercise. Losing Weight After 45 mentioned this idea on her blog. I am slightly socially starved (surrounded by kids, including teens who are great company, but not much interaction with people my own age). Yesterday I put together an Appalachian Trail walk with three women from my book club and some of their kids. It was great. Oxytocin and calorie burning! My goal is to arrange one such experience a week.

I need a plan for the coming week. Do you have one? Today is Cheat Day, so the plan for today is eat mindfully. The danger is going to come in around Wednesday through Friday. My dearest friend and some of her family is coming, and there will be a mighty baking and roasting, and while I'm not worried about Thanksgiving, I AM worried about the days before and after. It's going to be awfully hard to eat per the plan while making pies and cranberry jelly on Wednesday. Right now I'm leaning towards eat-mindfully-and-hope-for-the-best Weds-Fri, and back to work on Saturday. How's that for a plan? And exercise. Exercise every one of those days including Thanksgiving.

What's your plan?

Friday, November 20, 2009

More Toothpaste Pictures

My 14s from the summer are getting loose



So I bought these Riders from Walmart, a decidedly snug 12:




My BMI is 26.1 as of this morning. My fasting blood sugar was 111. I do feel like I am getting maybe a little burly around the shoulders :) But you know, I don't think I look like I "earned" pre-diabetes because I'm such an unconscionable couch potato.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Snit Post

Ok, I am probably getting PMS early, but I want to respond to an idea I see bouncing around on the internet-- that diabetes is a choice, and that if diabetics just get their acts together and do right things, they can cure their disease.

Here goes:

"Facing a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes, many people immediately ask, ‘Is there a diabetes cure?’ Unfortunately, the answer is no.

"Once you have it, you have it," says R. Paul Robertson, M.D., president, Medicine and Science, of the American Diabetes Association, and professor of medicine and pharmacology at the University of Washington, Seattle. "You can make it go into remission, but it will always be there because it is a disease linked to your genetics. You can't cure type 2 diabetes because you can't make that gene go away.” But you can make significant strides against the disease, often to the point of quitting medication.

Type 2 Diabetes: Diet and Exercise Can Feel Like a Diabetes Cure

Most people end up with type 2 diabetes for two reasons. Their body has become resistant to insulin because they are overweight or obese. And their pancreas is unable to produce enough insulin to overcome that resistance.

Diet and exercise are considered essential to treating diabetes. In fact, many people who eat right and work out every day respond so well it feels like a diabetes cure, especially if they lose a significant amount of weight and their blood sugar levels remain stable.

Unfortunately, by the time diabetes has progressed far enough to be diagnosed, the pancreas often has been damaged by the strain put on it. Many cells in the organ have ceased producing insulin altogether, and there's no way to reverse the damage. That means if the patient slacks off on diet and exercise, the diabetes will return as strong as ever.

The good news: If you catch diabetes early enough, you can prevent further damage to your pancreas. That makes diet and exercise very important, and maintaining an ideal body weight crucial. In fact, some people can control their blood sugar levels through diet and exercise alone, without having to resort to medicine."


Please believe I am not trying to belittle the critical importance of good diet and exercise. Or the importance of terrorizing your offspring into maintaining a normal weight if diabetes runs in your family :P But it is a genetic problem. You can have a normal BMI and still get diabetes. You can weigh 400 pounds and not get it. It seems terribly important to me we not forward this idea that Type 2s are somehow choosing to be diabetic. It's just not true and it adds stigma to what is already a very difficult diagnosis.

My 145 pound uncle has what used to be called "high blood sugar". My 115 pound grandmother had it. My dad, unsurprisingly, has type 2. When I was a teen with a BMI of 19, I used to faint if I didn't eat right-- hypoglycemia is a precursor to Type 2. There is some evidence that insulin resistance comes first, and the extra weight comes after-- because your body is crying out for the sugar that is circulating in the blood stream rather than gaining admission to the cells.

You take some poor soul who is always hungry, craving carbs, overweight, with a pancreas worn out from years of trying to compensate. That person becomes diabetic. Then you tell him, Gosh, why are you choosing to be diabetic? In what way is that helpful?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

All Over Post

I am orienting for my new job, see. Today was nice 'cause I got to ride around with my lovely friend and gossip in between patients. However, the schedule I have written up on the white board looks like this:

7:30 kids to school
8:30 phone meeting
10:00 meet coworker for orientation till 2
2:30 pick up little girls
3:30 herd little girls into ballet suits
4:00 leave for ballet 1/2 hour away
5:00 take something in to office
5:30 pick up little girls and bring them home
6:00 feed kids and supervise homework
7:00 pick up husband from work

I know people do this every day. The friend I rode with today has 5 children, a full time job, and is learning to be a midwife, so she has to take off at the drop of a hat to attend a birth. She never has any time at all: that's just a given.

You know how there are things you Just Won't Do? Like people who refuse to make airport runs, or eat spinach, or listen to rap? I HATE having every minute scheduled. If I have any choice at all, I won't live that way. Looks like they're going to offer me a regular part-time position and not just PRN, so if it works out I'm going to have to define a new normal.

I managed to track with Sparkpeople Monday (1900) and today (1350 so far). I'm definitely running over my target. Monday I got too hungry. I don't know if it's an insulin-resistant thing but I find that hard to recover from. Clearly I need to plan the day first. I know that, I get that, I just find it hard to do. I picked up the Jillian Michaels shred and cajoled my DH into doing it with me. It's as nasty as I expected. Also my husband made some remark about JM not being his cup of tea physically. It takes tremendous work and commitment to look like Jillian Michaels and to be honest she is not really my ideal either, but I had a moment's worry I was getting too cut. Then reality returned and I had a good laugh. "Too cut" is soooo not going to be a problem for me.

Also, 7 year olds make awesome personal trainers because they do everything and chirp, "That's easy, Mommy! I can do THAT!"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Makes a Good Life?

Good health and looking your best, right? That's why we're on this road. It can be inconvenient and frustrating, but the net result is way in the plus column. What else do you need for a good life? This is my list, highly personalized and in no particular order.

1. A warm and sustaining family life.

2. Observance of customs, holidays, rituals.

3. Close relationships with extended family.

4. Great friendships, frequent casual contacts with people who care about how you're doing.

5. Enough money, so you don't have to sweat daily needs, can afford small pleasures and provide for your children and your future.

6. Enough time so that you can spend some as you choose.

7. Spiritual life and charity.

8. A pretty place to live, so that you live your life against a backdrop that makes you happy.

9. Novelty-- shows, travel, new experiences.

10. An affectionate marriage with all the usual perks.

Do I have all these? Hell no. I am strong in some areas (1, 6, 8, and 10). Others are okay. The two I am particularly missing are 4 and 7. I ran into a book club friend the other day at Wegman's. I've seen her there twice and always give her an enthusiastic hug as she is a dear soul and I am a little starved for friendship. She greeted me warmly, introduced me to her friend, and said, "It's... it's Larkspur, right?" (Not my real name, but you knew that). GROAAAAAN. How sad is that? (No, it's okay to laugh. I did.)

At one time in my life there were numerous messages on my machine when I got home telling me news or inviting me somewhere. Now two messages would be a lot. When I moved eleven years ago, I left my web of friendships and connections. There's a whole host of reasons why I haven't made a new community of friends. Part of it, I'm sure, is the pull of 1, 8 & 10-- I love my house, I love my kids, and I would rather spend time with my husband curled up by the fire than do almost anything else.

My closest friend's life is mine almost flipped-- she has literally scores of devoted friends, myriad interesting casual social contacts, but no sweetie and no children. She keeps telling me I need to put in the time, just as I keep telling her that of course dating sucks, everyone hates it (apparently not true-- check out Fatfree Me in my sidebar!) But it's the only road to a mate and children besides arranged marriage.

I read an interesting book about retirement which was very clear on the point that money was only one part of preparing for retirement. Just as important to happiness were good health, sustaining social connections, meaningful work. So if you spent all your energy accumulating wealth while neglecting your health and your friends, your retirement isn't going to be all that great.

Food for thought. I'd love to hear about what a good life means to you.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

You Lose Some

Pounds (one down from yesterday, inexplicably, after going overboard on Cheat Day). And my son's long-distance GF just broke up with him again. He seems okay. I sometimes I wish I could make him 7 years old again with glasses, but of course that is not the normal course of nature and it shouldn't be. Sigh.

Thank you, my dears, for weighing in yesterday. Some South Beach fans and some WW converts. I am actually on the Beach-y side myself, and was planning a SB version of WW (no reason you can't do that, right?) It would be hard for me to figure the points without actually joining, so for this week I plan to track and report my calories. I don't know where WW points would be for me exactly-- I know it doesn't translate perfectly-- but I am going to go for under 1600 a day (which seemed so onerous a few months ago, but seems very doable these days). Today once I eat my pork chop and asparagus, unless I forgot something crucial, I should end up under 1500. Easy because I ate so much yesterday I wasn't hungry today till after Zumba at 1:30. I had sufficient bra coverage and an empty stomach so I got in a good one. My instructor did point at me midway like something from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but it just turned out that my shoelace was untied. Whew. I fancy myself not deficient in It, but I'll tell you, in Zumba I feel pretty square.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Waffling

Well, actually, beignets not waffles.

My Boyfriend's Back, hey na hey na, so it would take a lot to upset me, certainly more than 2 pounds up on the scale which was the case this morning. He brought beignet mix back with him and as it is Cheat Day, I made those. Yummy. I am wishing to get down a few more pounds solidly and I keep kicking around Weight Watchers. I don't have a coupon and I have been hemorrhaging money lately (35% off at Coldwater Creek, yikes) so I am bouncing around the idea of trying to do it at home for a week. I would stay with my points, which I am semi-arbitrarily calculating at 23, and just not track on Cheat Days. If I could do well with it for a week, I could justify the money to join a meeting. I could just stick closer with my current plan, but I am liking the idea of mixing things up. Assuming the bounce up does not represent 7000 actual calories eaten in excess (which it better not), I have only a couple of pounds to go to make my Hot 100 goal and only 9 pounds until my BMI is 24.9 (cue clouds and Celestial Chorus).

What do you guys think? Should I try this or would I just be tampering with success?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

That BMI Thing

Ordinarily the WL blogosphere and I are just one big basket of snuggles, with deeply similar opinions on most topics. But there's one where I am apparently a renegade, which is the subject of Chunky Monkey Mamma's intriguing blog post over on Cranky Fitness (see my sidebar, sparing me the labor of making a link).

The opinion as expressed by the majority is that BMI is complete horseshit, and should not be measured at schools or conveyed to parents.

My thought is, it's all information, right? There's "Your hemoglobin is 9.3" and "I saw your husband clinching a redhead in the Denny's parking lot." Most people seem to feel that telling parents about their kid's BMI belongs in the latter camp, Information That Does More Harm Than Good.

Since it's my blog, this is my take on it. Pull up a chair.

What is BMI? It's just a fancy measure of weight versus height. We do it all the time when we look at someone's blog stats-- they weigh 173 pounds, for example. We look to see if they're 5'1, 5'8 or 6'1. If they're 6'1" and 173 pounds we stop reading their blog in annoyance because damn it, this isn't a proper WL blog, they're not even fat. See? BMI in action.

Most of us know that BMI doesn't measure body fat or muscle mass or athleticism. But it does take a stab at measuring. And the majority opinion seems to be saying that because it's not a perfect measure, we shouldn't take it or communicate it. They don't want to know, they don't want the kids to know, because it's upsetting.
The thing is-- if my doctor takes my fasting blood sugar and it's 113, it's very upsetting. I'll be worried and possibly even pissed at my doctor. Does that mean she shouldn't tell me? In my case, that measure had a very real and helpful impact on my behavior. It's possible, seeing objective evidence that a child's weight for height is unusually high, a parent might investigate further and possibly make some changes at home.

I'm not afraid of a number. Well, okay, some numbers, but not that one. BMI may be flawed (it is) but it is widely accepted, used by everything from the World Health Organization to research studies to insurance companies to Weight Watchers. Not forgetting weight loss bloggers. My kids tell me height and weight is taken privately: no one sees the letter except for the school nurse and the child's parents. Our letters actually take pains to describe the limitations of BMI. How the parents use that information is up to them, just like any other measure including grades, test scores, or vision screening results.

If this were any other number, like cholesterol or nearsightedness, we wouldn't be pitching fits over flaws in the system of measurement. It's because body weight is such a wretchedly loaded topic people don't want to know and some even get angry if a potential problem is mentioned. My doctor never said a word about my weight at any point, even with fasting blood sugars over 100. I'm sure she's been conditioned not to. Is she really doing me a favor? What do you think?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

100-minus 50

HARD TO BELIEVE, isn't it? As I am too lazy to count myself, I am going by the much more together Diane of Fit To the Finish (who, and I will just say it, seems like such an incredibly dear, balanced, and kindly person.) So we're half done with the Hot 100 Challenge and I am still dangling 2 pounds above my Jan 1 goal. The suspense.

I did pretty well with my exercise goals- did my weights 3 1/2 times (last night would be the half.) I hit Zumba three times although today was subpar due to a missing piece of key technology: the running bra. I am protective of the girls. I did acquire Zumba shoes so I'll give a report after I try them out. And I bought a pair of size 12 khakis for my new job because they fit better than the 14s. And I am wearing them. And they are not tight. As I have pointed out to every member of my family currently present including the dog.

I am missing my husband. Do you ever miss someone physically? When I am missing my little girl I have a little-girl-sized lack in the middle of my body, just where she fits when I squeeze her. I still hug the big kids though I am trying to be protective of their dignity. Mostly I like to look at them.

I may be short a husband (who is eating beignets and gumbo and learning from the heavy hitters in his field). But I have a fire in the fireplace, the homework is done, the kids fed and the kitchen tidied, and now I get to work on my NaNoWriMo project. Woot!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Helpity

That's from Pogo, if there are any other underground fans out there.

This is one of the few times I wish I Twittered. I need someone to help me separate from this comfortable couch next to this cozy fire and go upstairs and do some working out. My husband is away, sniff, and I am Holding Down The Fort, working on my NaNoWriMo book (23,700 words! As someone said once, "That's not writing. That's typing.") Gravity suggests I should stay down here with a cup of tea but I have the example of certain bloggers (you know who you are) raising the bar on all of us. Foo.

Let's see if I can get up there and do it.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Demotivational Poster

What motivates you?




(Sorry. That just cracks me up.)

There was a great post a while back by the wonderful Foody McBody, which post I cannot find in her archives, but who could have been speaking for me. Basically stating that losing weight for cosmetic reasons is a mixed bag for some of us. I was rather irritated about it myself, in perhaps a not very mature way. I didn't see why a zaftig BMI-of-29 woman couldn't be considered attractive (even if I didn't like what I saw in pictures-- I was pretty good at editing what I saw in the mirror.) Blood sugar doesn't lie, squinting at a glucometer doesn't help any, and diabetes doesn't care whether you look ok in Spanx. So when I had to for health reasons, I managed to pull it together and do what I should have done ten years ago. (I might have saved my gall bladder, for one thing.) My blood sugars are responding, a bunch of aches and pains have disappeared, and it's all good.

Except the whole looking good thing is still problematic. I would love to hear from other 40-something women how they manage midlife + getting in shape. When I get checked out, I can't help but think, "Oh geez, I'm 43, how many more years can this possibly last?" Which is unhelpful, to say the least. I wish I could say that I had some great philosophical tool to battle my regret. The only thing that seems to help is reminding myself that those eighteen years were for the most part lovely ones, I have had the joy of a happy marriage with (yay!) all the trimmings, and I certainly looked perfectly all right much of the time, at least once I got past my weeble period. But I guess it is okay to mourn a little bit that I was not able to pull this out sooner-- and it was not for lack of taking it seriously, or trying. I wasn't any more lazy or greedy than I am now: I certainly knew plenty about health and nutrition. It was just that at the time, the risks were theoretical and not actual, and looking good wasn't a keen enough motivator.

In other news, I went back to work today. I'll be settling down to 10-15 hours a week, but today was all day in a conference room. AND lunch at Friendly's, where my new boss kindly took me. I scrutinized the menu, but there is NOTHING TO EAT at Friendly's if you are trying eat halfway healthy. I ended up having chicken with bacon and cheese on it (!) and mixed vegetables, leaving the rice and garlic bread it came with. I had a lonely diet pepsi while my coworkers were enjoying sundaes. But I had some dark chocolate in the car, so don't feel too sorry for me :) I 5-factored at home because I needed it (all that sitting). It's going to be a hellish busy week. Wish me luck.

Friday, November 6, 2009

I Like 'Em Chunky

I absolutely adore this song. We play it in Zumba while doing indescribable things that are very good for your abdominals and lower back. I just so love the idea of a woman being celebrated for taking up space.

It's FRIDAY. I get to sit by the fire near my sweetie and work on my book-in-a-month project. We have three extra teens on the premises which means we have achieved critical mass and they will amuse themselves, noisily.

On the subject of chunky, or not so chunky, I have this probably strange mental phenomenon that keeps reappearing. Ever since I was a little girl I imagined another girl just like me, who did things correctly. Who was never late getting ready for school and did all her homework properly. I still feel like that person is with me. She never got fat-- I bet her mother probably didn't die either-- though she is aging along with me, raising children, keeping house. Once in a rare while my life intersects with hers and I have a moment that is exactly right, the way it should be. I might be fixing an after-school snack or washing dishes, but for one instant the idealized me and the actual me are one and the same. And it feels so sweet, I can't describe it. It's funny because I don't expect or necessarily even want to be perfect. I enjoy most of my messy and semi-chaotic life. But it does feel satisfying to live closer to that mysterious "right" version of myself.

Who, by the way, is going to stay out of the cookies her daughter is making until the stroke of midnight-- CHEAT DAY.

New measurements today:

hip-- 42
bust-- present and accounted for
waist-- 31 or 30 if you go for the absolute skinniest possible point while exhaling
thigh-- 25.5 ish (woot)
arm-- 11.5 (also woot)

Happy Weekend, my dears.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

TMI

Just a little PMS-y in that last post. I am blessed with a lovely life, touch wood. But on day 28 or so it doesn't take much to put my nose out of joint. I wish I had a blinking yellow light on my forehead so that my husband would know that I am due for a turbo boost in hugs, kisses, and admiring remarks. I'm over the bump and on heavy doses of ibuprofen and iron so let's hope my next posts are more mellow.

Yesterday, properly stoked with hugs and assurances that NO I'm not getting ancient and YES I am still cute, I 5-factored. Today I hope to make Zumba though these first 2 days of TOM it really makes sense to retire to a comfortable yurt and eat muffins. Much as we would all like that, modern society doesn't allow for it. I planned my food out yesterday which always helps. Scale is up a pound but that's just the weight of my ravenous ego taking on reassurance (the real cause of TOM bloating).

On the subject of getting over myself, I ran into a yahoo article yesterday about a little girl that for one minute just about made me want to die of sadness. I had to go in and hug and kiss my sleeping little one, waking her up in the process. "I love you, mom," she said sleepily. So my new mental cue for getting over myself: Priorities, bonehead!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Today's To-Do List

This is what I have in my little notebook which I maintain in the absence of a functioning memory:

trail walk or Zumba
good cry
dispose of mouse
clean car
adjust expectations
JD's gift certificate
one hour at office
take Tylenol and iron and probiotic
get over yourself
write
groceries

Of those I get to cross off groceries and mouse. The mouse wasn't dead and went elsewhere on its own hook. Still working on the rest.

I did buy myself a pair of size 12 jeans at Walmart. (Lee Riders, $18 for those keeping track). They fit and go on and look normal, though they aren't as comfie as my slightly loose 14s. When I look at the new ones they're starting to look like a more or less normal size that would fit a regular person's body. My pants and skirts were big enough in the past that I used to look at them and think, "Gosh, really?"

My main task for today as I see it is to Get Over Myself. If any of you have any good tips for that, I am lookin' for advice.

Peace out.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ok, So That Didn't Go So Well

Somewhere on some clever blog or other, I read about "Binge and Purge." Which means that when you succumb to one too many of those little wrappered foods, you gather them all up and PURGE. I gave them to my son to hide. I was going to keep the "Monster Teeth" around to convey to my kids the all-important idea that candy is not this thrilling forbidden substance. They were doing fine; me, not so hot. So now it's all disappeared and unlike my husband, my son's a good hider.

I ended up coming down a couple of pounds because my (fairly minor) candy spree was offset by a tummy ache. Don't do this:

1. Go to Zumba, rock out, leap, jump and whoop it up.
2. Come home starving.
3. Decide to stop at store for bacon because that would be delicious.
4. Buy bananas that are almost ripe and eat one.
5. Followed by four slices of bacon.
6. Spend the afternoon and evening in pain, but still hungry, and trying to soothe the stomach with candy corn. Which doesn't work, oddly enough.

The upshot was I was back down to 173 this morning but at a cost. All cookies and cupcakes are expunged, and the candy's gone except a little bit that got missed which I can safely throw out.

I want to take a minute for a Public Service Announcement, directed specifically to myself: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are exactly three days out of the next two months. Six if you give yourself a day for preparing awesome food. So that's 6 days out of 60-- if the other 54 is spend doing good things, then there's no reason I can't show a loss on January 1. I'm only 2 pounds from my 10% Hot 100 goal, which equals a calorie deficit of 129 calories a day over 54 days. Let's hope I can make that! Gratz to South Beach Steve for coming up with this well-timed challenge. It helps to have a focus during this delightful but treacherous part of the year.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Hot 100 Update


First, the Confessor costume I (mostly) made ===>
Get a load of the Converse.

For my big goal, I think I'm on track. I was 173 earlier in the week although there seems to have been a Halloween bounce to 175. (Don't you love the way I say that in the third person, as if I had nothing to do with it?) So I'm either 2 or 4 pounds away from my 10% which is my ultimate Hot 100 goal for January.

Halloween is rough. Our party coincided with Cheat Day. I ended up eating a lot and I realized it was because I had to (or thought I had to) eat quickly rather than enjoy special foods rejoicing over every bite. I feel my success so far has been mainly shifting what I eat (away from bread, sugar, and cheese, toward protein/vegetables/ fruits) but I have to say there was a definite psychology of eating piece at play yesterday. If I don't savor my treats, they don't register. I know that's kind of Duh and obvious, but sometimes you just have to experience the obvious for yourself.

I've only lost 20 pounds, but I am going to click my heels a little bit because the small satisfactions feel so nice. Today's pleasure: buying a pair of regular size L pajamas and having them fit properly. I don't need different sizes for top and bottom anymore: I'm not perilously squeezing out of the largest size, putting them in a drawer, and assuring the giver that "it's a little too warm for them yet."

FBS was 102 this morning which is not bad considering yesterday was 98% refined carbohydrates and 2% mummy dog.

My Hot One hundred goals for this week are:

1. Getting all cookies and cupcakes out of the house by tomorrow. I can stop at one or two pieces of candy corn (I think) but homemade butter cookies with all butter icing? Not so much.

2. Zumba or walk at least twice, 5-factor at least 3 times.

I am stocked with canned seltzer and plums (my secret weapons). Shouldn't be too crazy this week if I don't let it get that way, so let's see if I can ditch another pound. ("Look! What's that? Oooh, I think it's a stick! Go check it out! Fetch!")