Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Core Beliefs

I am riding out a bit of rough weather interpersonally (MIL's pipe burst = three week stay including the sole precious week DH and I have at home together => fill in the blanks). And I find myself battling the feelings of vengefulness and hostility and general ill-will that surround me like an electron cloud whenever my cage gets rattled. You realize for a certain number of us-- not naming names-- having a resident MIL with firm opinions is going to rattle the old cage.

At my core-- I think it's my core, I hope to God it's my core-- I know that people usually behave well from a place of strength, not weakness. When I get angry at some stray remark, it's because I've been hit in a vulnerable place. And if I want to help another person behave more to my liking, it makes sense to help them feel stronger, not weakened. Heard versus attacked.

Whether I'm right about this or not, it makes me feel better and safer not to act like a jerk. I don't like myself when I'm venting like a steam whistle. I think to some degree it may be necessary, or at least forgiveable, but it doesn't feel as good as holding on to whatever patience and tolerance nature bestowed on me.

There is a food/health analogy here that's not too hard to pin down. It may be forgivable, understandable, perfectly normal to snitch candy and bag exercise*. My weight may not suffer too badly**. But in the end it doesn't feel as good or work as well as doing the right things. That's why our friends further down the path keep waving and reaching out their hands to us-- it feels good, come join us! I plan to pick up my feet and walk toward them. Maybe some time this year I'll be further down the path, waving with the rest :)

*Disclaimer: I haven't been bagging exercise. Snitching candy, well, that's different.
** I'm back down a pound, yay. Can I lose 1 pound in two days to make my Hot 100 goal? Weeellll... Let's look at my sidebar and make an educated guess.

Monday, December 28, 2009

State of the Union

Breakfast: protein shake
Lunch: turkey and vegetables, 1/4 piece of Naan bread
Snack: 1/2 cup homemade ham and bean soup (finally made some, turned out nummy)
Also: six or seven Marshmints and 2 chocolate covered cherries

So a normal, healthy diet plus five hundred calories of candy. Do I feel well on this? NO. Am I still gaining weight? Probably not, as I am Totally Off this week and getting in plenty of Zumba and walks. But I'm up three pounds which we all know takes me roughly forever to lose. And my self-respect is wobbly because I am not faring all that well in the siege of Me vs Christmas candy. The wise and obvious thing to do is to purge or stash everything. Some things have been purged, some stashed, some are now forming part of my fat stores. I found what my husband hid for me. So that has to be re-hidden :) It's funny how I went back to the way I regularly eat and exercise (habit), except that I still feel entitled to the candy (more habit? Pray not.)

On a more cheerful note I went shopping at the post-Christmas sales and have two more pairs of 12s in my wardrobe, and the tops I bought were mediums. So I can't really have ballooned as much as I have in imagination.

There is a very dear and moving post by Gina on Fit by 41 (see my sidebar if the link is wonky.) I think it's really to the point as we slide into the New Year. Where does the need to change come from? Not just the wish to do so, but that wall you hit where you realize, "Yeah, okay, that's it. I'm not doing it that way anymore." For me it was entirely health stuff. I had my share of embarrassing moments-- I recall being asked to demonstrate an outfit at one of those at-home shopping party hosted by a friend whom I may at some point forgive. It was these little knit tubey things and my body was just not ready to demonstrate knit tubey things. The saleswoman said something like, "Well, that's not how it's supposed to look, on someone ELSE..." Anyway, a stack of those moments didn't do it. I had to get to the point where I didn't feel good physically, where I had (have) real diagnoses looming if I don't do something.

Which is good to remember now, as I take steps into the new year and either hold my ground, make further progress, or get "comfortable" and let the sugar creep in and my weight creep up. Ugh.

So here's my line in the sand.


Off to go hide some chocolate :)

Saturday, December 26, 2009


On the premises at the moment:

Several boxes of See's candy
Marshmints (aka crack)
Chocolate chip cookies
Candied pecans
Tinned cookies
Cordial cherries
Botan rice candy
Molasses chips
Lingonberry jam
Cranberry jelly
Four unused containers of cream

What's a weight conscious prediabetic to do? I got out to Zumba today (yay!) Ate a health breakfast and lunch and made a big pot of bean and ham soup. But unwholesome amounts of sugar have passed my lips since last Thursday. I usually keep this stuff out of the house because I have difficulty staying out of it. Alas most of it is not mine. I would like to be the kind of person who could be relied on not to get into it, but I do not, based on experience, seem to be that kind of person. The sort-of-silver lining is that my body does not react well to this treatment and is giving me loud signals of protest, helping me remember that it's not a good idea. I did better today than yesterday and I'm stocked up with the tasty healthy stuff, so I just need to enlist my (generally cooperative) family to help me get the rest stowed. The weird part is I feel like I made/bought less than usual this year, but what I did eat I didn't tolerate very well. Ah well. Notes for next year.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Yikes! H100 Update!

Geez, I'm late! Think I can squeeze in the door with nobody noticing?

Neck deep in work the last couple of days. Finally have time to breathe and look about me today. Weight wise, I am hanging at 172, probably because I have not found time to exercise since Zumba Sunday. That leaves me 1 lb above my goal for the New Year. Fingers crossed.

I am OFF until January 4th, when I start my 20 hours a week (more like 30) and all hell breaks loose.

My No. 1 top goal is to enjoy Christmas, which I completely love, particularly the run up to the day. So taking deep breaths and trying to scale back my plans so I can do less and have fun with it. Warm wishes to my friends in Blogland! Signing off until after Christmas.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Surprise Review: Wii Fit Plus!

Yesterday they CANCELLED ZUMBA due to our snow. I guess they didn't have a red-nosed instructor to lead the way. I was observing to DH what a witch I get when I don't get my exercise, and perhaps in self-defense, he produced an early Christmas gift. I was expecting a fitness DVD but it was a BIG box.

My awesome spouse got me a WII FIT. (It's all-capitals-day here at Am I Really That Fat.) So here's my highly preliminary impressions, to be filled in further as my 7 year old allows me a chance to actually get on the thing:

1. Kids love it
2. There's a lot of stuff to do
3. I doubt it's the place for a hard core workout for the WL blogging crowd-- it seems to be cut into little stop and start bits
4. The Japanese are highly concerned with balance
5. Outrunning the little dude is the funnest jogging in place I've ever done
6. The yoga is cool
7. My Mii is chubby and apple shaped. My smallest daughter's Mii is waiflike and my middle daughter's is Just Right
8. It seems to broadcast your BMI, not your actual weight, to the room at large
9. I appreciate this refinement
10. It looks like a fun way to track weight
11. I plan to try some fo the aerobics stuff for my warm-up and cool-down to my weights
12. It tells you calories burned, usually in little 4-to-7 calorie activities

I'll keep you posted as I play with it more. With a foot of snow on the ground, indoor options are welcome.

For today, I got to Zumba (yay!) which felt great. Back to eating rationally. I wanted to keep it light yesterday but I just didn't. Scale was up this morning accordingly. I had 2 eggs and toast and a little fresh cranberry relish for breakfast, a wrap with salad leaves, turkey, pepperjack, and mustard and some grapes for lunch. Everything tastes very good and keeps me running like a top. So why do I need eggnog and Dulce de Leche and all that other crap? Because it's there, I guess, like Everest. I performed a purge-- all tempting junk has been pitched or removed to the outside frig, a long cold walk through the garage. The plan is to eat very well between now and the 24th, pick back up again on the 27th. It would be really great to get in 3 hours of exercise a week, and to use my holiday cheat days to eat mindfully like the well-behaved Better-Homes-and-Gardens version of myself, rather than the bilious overfull annoyed-at-myself version.

Have to pick up the family from "Avatar" and take the kids to finish up their shopping. Ciao!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Oh, All Right

Clearly posting extraneous fluff is not fooling anyone.

The good news is I was still 170 this morning. Woot, yay me, etc. The bad news is--

I didn't make Zumba-- my daughter pleaded to have a friend over, so we did that instead.

I had, oh let's not pretend otherwise, five cookies for my afternoon snack. Plus popcorn. Any guesses on whether I make 170 tomorrow? Anybody? And tomorrow is "officially" cheat day.

We are supposed to get 4-6 inches of snow tomorrow, but I think I can get to Zumba through 4-6 inches of snow, don't you? And I should probably formulate a plan for food tomorrow, seeing I had half a cheat day today.

So there I stand, everybody! How are you all making it in this final run-up to Xmas?

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I stumbled on this while ordered Christmas gifts and posting to my other, neglected, home-and-family blog.

Secrets of Adulthood

Except the right houseplants are NOT too much trouble. Happiness is a wreath topiary you trained yourself. Easy as pie, and you feel so slick.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mostly Good News, I Think

I always like to get the bad news out of the way first. One reason I am back down to 170 today is that I had a Digestive Episode yesterday after I had one too many of my daughter's fabulous cookies at lunch. I lack a gallbladder and am prone to biliary stones and I'm not liking how things are trending right now. But, anyway, I'm better today after being wary of food for the rest of the day and having nothing beyond an irreproachable dinner of roast chicken, broccoli and salad. I also went to ZUMBA! which was GREAT. I think the 5K had an interval training effect because I was full of steam. The other good news is that my FBS was 95 yesterday (normal is anything under 100. I'm trying to get out of the prediabetic range which is 100-125.) I'll take that.

I took my measurements this morning, to wit:

chest 40
waist 30
hip 41.5
thigh 25
arm 12

This compares to back in May:

Bust 42
Waist 33
Hip 45
Thigh, a mighty 28
Arm 13

I seem to be somewhat less pear-shaped. Man, I wish I'd known what to do for that when I was back in my 20s. Waist to hip ratio is .72 and BMI is 25.8.

It's weird because I've reached my first goal-- which always seemed so attainable, and yet so far away. As in trying for 18 years without much success. My plan at the moment is to hold the line until January 1, which will put me 1 lb under my hot 100 pledge. Then I will reassess in the new year, but I think it would be nice, assuming my body will cooperate, to slowly release another 10-15 pounds and see what that does for my blood sugar.

A moment here to take notice of The Road Curves Ahead and 266 their fantastic progress this year. Cheers, ladies!

Sunday, December 13, 2009


The inimitable Jack S***T had a wonderfully inspiring post on his blog about how it really doesn't work to give 55%. Making it clear why he's at goal and I'm not.


[Insert disclaimers here.]

For various reasons, adequate and not, I'm okay with that. I don't give 100% to my body every day. Right now, most of that energy is spoken for. What I can do is this--

Eat a few of my own cookies (alas, I know what I'm doing in the cookie department)-- slowly and with pleasure rather than wolfing them down guiltily.

Eat good meals and forgo snacks if I have succumbed to the above.

Exercise every other day if I'm not managing every day.

Keep the house stocked with good stuff (that dreaded planning thing).

Cover the sweet stuff up or put it away. The cookie boxes will be launched soon. Meanwhile I covered them all with towels. It helps!

It's 55%. But that's what I got right now.

How about you?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Jingle Bells!

I need bold letters or italics to declare the following:

The family and I (at least the over-7 part of it) completed Our First 5K! Woot!

It was the Jingle Bell Walk/Run for the Juvenile Arthritis Foundation. A friend was the honoree so we suited up this morning. Reading blogs gave me some glimmering of insight into the proceedings, so I knew about numbers and swag bags and the like. There was also some rather grand food-- Bekind bars, lovely fruit, and Starbucks. The winner of our group got to pick our lunch venue. That was 18 year old son-- 37 minutes, even though his sweatpants were falling down-- he changes sizes, depending on what fitness regime he's pursuing at the moment. Number 1 daughter came in at 41 minutes along with our 11 year old friend. DH was 42 minutes, and I was 44, which was actually totally thrilling to me as I naively set my goal at sub-45, not realizing how severely that was going to kick my butt. That means I finished ahead of some but not of all of the babies in strollers :)

It seems to be inevitable that you compare yourself not just to the guy that's lapping you, but the people that are much older or much larger or accompanied by Great Danes or 9 years old on a scooter or pushing twins (ok, I got ahead of her at least). The correct attitude is feeling completely utterly thrilled at undertaking your first 5K in your forties, and jogging some of it, and finishing in the general ballpark of where you were hoping you'd finish. Usually I am very conscious of my feet when jogging-- terrified of an injury, as some of my fellow bloggers have had to fight through. I got so focused on my lungs that I completely forgot about my feet.

So that's my post race report. My other report is that I manage to coaxe off that two-ish pounds, and was 170-ish this morning for a BMI of 25.8, and there I wish to stay, thank you very much. Today is Cheat Day and I have several cookies, a Mexican lunch, and most of a donut under my belt so far-- I am sadly cognizant of how many calories 3 miles burns so the plan is to ease back for the rest of the day. I really really really want to be in the running for that jar of hot peppers.

Also, I would like to report that my thighs/butt are sore from lunges. I have been neglecting my weights which became very obvious when I picked them up again Thursday. Ouch, but in a good way.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Bullet List

* I am too damn busy this time of year.

* I've done my C25K but nothing else for exercise.

* This is Not Acceptible.

* I am in Unpleasant Medical Alert mode due to back pain.

* I don't like this.

* I will go in to the doctor if not better in a week.

* I got two lovely awards, one from Amazon Runner and the Significant Milestone from 266 for making my 10%.

* I adore getting awards.

* I put on 2 pounds after our weekend trip to the Really Big Mall (can you say "schlock entertainment?") I wasn't going to have a second cheat day but DH put me in an armbar and made me eat cheesecake, which is the equivalent of reverse liposuction.

* It is still there, despite decent eating behavior since then, probably because my ass has been glued to the driver's seat for the last 96 hours.

* I hope 266 doesn't make me give my award back.

* It's not really true about the armbar.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


Quick Blackberry posting to announce that C25K has magical powers, because I dropped 2 pounds suddenly. If I hold the line for the next 25 days, I am good for my H100 goal. And I lost my 10 percent since starting this blog. Woot!

Bearing in mind I may just be losing muscle, but I prefer the optimist's view.

Friday, December 4, 2009


I managed to clear half an hour today for another session of C25K. My husband came with me. It was after dark but there were plenty of Christmas lights to illuminate the potholes :) I felt so good afterwards, after having felt dog-tired for days. There was some shuffling of children which allowed us to go out for a very short date to the local pub sort of place. We got a bite and DH indulged in 2 very potent beers, after which he relaxed like a puppet with his strings cut. Could've talked him into anything :) I drank tea which came with a doily and we made Christmas lists for the kids on my Blackberry. (I never did get the hang of the bar thing.) We also played pool, at which DH is quiet but deadly. I first swooned for him when he casually did that behind the back thingie in college. He has a break shot that starts out low-key but knocks the balls so hard the windows rattle. And he always, always has a pen. *Swoon*

We've talked about my work situation and unless they offer me rubies (which I strongly doubt is forthcoming), I am going to do my best to stay prn and keep my hours lighter. That will allow me time to exercise so that I don't get all pissed off and shrill. As much. I can't begin to tell you how much your support here means. I have such an awesome peer group on the blogosphere--well, okay, many of you are more in the 'sensei' versus 'peer' category-- helping me keep my goals front and center where I can't lose track of them.

Sounds like it's getting crazy out there. Here's hoping for a caaaaaalm and restorative weekend for all of us.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Pretty much says it all.

I have a lovely award from the fabulous Amazon Runner to pass along. But that requires thought and links so I'm just going to savor it a bit and share it this weekend.

Out there in blogland is some wisdom that hit me right between the eyes tonight. Lynn from Escape From Obesity talks in very lucid terms about how your choices today shape results tomorrow. Which should be obvious but somehow get massively overlooked, by me at least. Leah points out that inspiration comes from work rather than preceding work, and Cammy has some great hacks for building better habits.

I need all of this because I am struggling this week, a rat getting my poor tail pinched. My worst tail pincher is lack of time. It really makes me so angry at the world. It also makes me think hard about how I spend my money, and whether what I'm spending it on is reeeeaaaaly worth my precious hours, because I have not been able to exercise much at all since I started working again, and I am just hopping mad about it. My mother in law is sick and needs our care for a few days, my kids and husband need to get to and from work, activities, and school, and I need to meet my new employer's expectations. Leaving me pretty much close to zero after subtracting all the rest. And I can't even say that I'm going to exercise tonight, because I have a more highly valued goal: getting in a few licks on my book. The only good news is that I have been eating pretty well and my weight is stable. Except that a biscuit did make its white-floury way down my gullet tonight.

Oh, and I'm worried I'm late on my Hot 100 Update . One pound to go! Thirty days! Or roughly that! Requiring something like 120 calorie a day deficit, which during December, is not a given! More AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh! No, no. It's okay. Really.


Monday, November 30, 2009


I downloaded the ap for my Iphone, having read about it on Melissa’s blog This thing is way cool. You listen to your own music and it cues you when to walk and when to run. The only problem is your playlist has to be set up first. I used one of my kids'. It went great until Piano Man came on and I had to finish the last two minutes in silence. Something happened around the time of my first child. I can't do spinny rides any more and I can't listen to Billie Joel. Inexplicable.

Saturday I lured the family out for an hour and a half on the trail-- a pleasant way to get back in the saddle. Sunday I veg'd inexusably. (I am deep in my NaNoWriMo, even though today is technically the last day and I am 13,000 words and about 40% of the plot short. I'm going to drive on, though.) Having done day 1 of C25K I am feeling pleasantly virtuous. My husband has just strongly endorsed my working on my book, despite the fact it is not going to add any money or productivity to the family store, which means I have one more for my thankful list under heading of "Husband." He bought cold cuts for dinner and is volunteering to go to my daughter's basketball pictures, so I am loaded for bear. I think I can knock off another 5,000 words tonight.

I am so deep in my book (not to mention my real job) that I have not been commenting on my beloved blogs. Please know that I am reading and enjoying them. Still there under the page hits and keeping track of how you're doing. I think I have about 1/2 a pound from Thanksgiving which is not too daunting. My ultimate goal is to get down to the 150s but if I make 171 by New Year's (1.5 pounds!) I will be very happy.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I Almost Forgot

My Thankful List

my little one's freckles and how sweet she feels when I hold her
my middle one's competence and beauty
my oldest one's gallantry and his crooked sense of humor
seltzer in cans
my husband's body
his kindness
his handmade furniture
his working hard to provide so I can take care of the kids
boxwood garlands
the leafy, the viney, the twiggy
my dad
relativity explained on a napkin
the young
the old
the harried middle-aged (that would be me)
my sunroof (it's a 2nd hand Civic, but still)
Danish blue cheese
Arizona, even though I don't live there anymore
chickens, because I'm gonna have some one day
the Appalachian Trail
WL blogs
my beautiful mother, whom I had for 24 wonderful years
the essential goodness in human nature
believing in same

Friday, November 27, 2009

Checking In

As the wise Foodie McBody has pointed out, "It's either a losing week or a learning week." I'm guessing I'm in the middle of a learning week. My plans to exercise came to naught. Cold wet weather + many beloved but project-intensive houseguests. Just today we went clothes shopping, bought fabric, sewed pants, made soap, and decorated a gingerbread house. I also dropped and picked daughter up at basketball practice, dropped and picked husband/son up at Ninja Assassin ("Enough blood for a water park"), drove to two malls and a fabric store, and provided food for eight people followed by the cleanup. Twice. And I'm tired. I'm also a little scared about how I'm going to manage the coming winter. My schedule is getting horribly full. I hope the Blackberry can save me. Pant pant.

Ok. Breathe. My dear and well-loved friends are leaving tomorrow and I can send all the off-the-menu stuff with them. Before the holiday I was doing well with planning my meals and staying under 1600 calories (radical stuff for me). I am a little sad with myself for not staying more with the plan the last couple of days, at least in terms of exercise. I have trouble setting boundaries under these circumstances. If I were sure myself-- making plans to exercise, for example-- my friends would support me. But because I want them to feel celebrated and have a nice time, I don't feel okay about absenting myself for a couple of hours to do that.

It's all okay. Back in the saddle. I enjoyed my holiday foods very much, but I don't feel very good on them, so there's some feeling of relief about getting back to my prior routine.

One nice plus was seeing the pictures. There were my dear and beautiful family/friends and there was me, and I looked fine. Not gorgeous, but normal, the way I have pictured myself mentally for years-- isn't that funny? In my mind I've been twenty pounds lighter all along Going shopping things fit and looked right and came from the middle of the rack. I didn't undertake this for those benefits, but gosh they're nice.

Monday, November 23, 2009

This Should Please the Planners Out There

(You know who you are.)

In my last post I was a little too waffly for the more goal-directed of you. I just ponied up for a Blackberry, which I am hoping will increase my abysmal efficiency rating. I plotted out everything to eat today within 1600 calories, and at 7 pm I'm on track, so keep your fingers crossed.

Because the thing is, planning works really well, but if I had to depend on it, I would still be buying size 18 jeans. I am simply awful at it. Not a strength. The naturally organized may find it hard to believe, but if I had to plan my pregnancies, my children would've been born without crucial organs. I've lost 10% of my body weight without more than the most rudimentary planning or writing down. What I do is exclude certain foods from my diet. Some people would hate that and find it intolerable. For me it leaves me with very little to keep track of ("YOU DON'T EAT BAGELS, REMEMBER, BONEHEAD?")and my calorie intake drops naturally by not eating desserts, bread, or full-fat cheese 6 days out of 7. The result is I'm not homing like a Polaris missile on my weight target, but on the plus side, by keeping my energy balance only slightly to the left of center, I'm eating pretty much as I expect to eat forever, and my body is slowly moving in the right direction even though I probably average around 2000 calories a day.

Still, I have a Blackberry now, so I expect to achieve my goal weight followed by world domination by Christmas. Stay tuned.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Hottie Update & The Plan

I had to laugh as our leader South Beach Steve refers to us that way. So I get to say that no matter what my body fat percentage is, right?

On my big goal, I have inexplicably dropped a pound. I didn't really deserve to drop a pound. I have been eating around maintenance most days, but I guess my body got confused. Probably one of those lost-muscle things but I'm going with it. So 173-1 equals 172. Only one more pound to achieve my big goal by New Year's. That will be 10% since starting this blog so that's cool.

I have a new goal I am totally excited about. It is achieving social exercise. Losing Weight After 45 mentioned this idea on her blog. I am slightly socially starved (surrounded by kids, including teens who are great company, but not much interaction with people my own age). Yesterday I put together an Appalachian Trail walk with three women from my book club and some of their kids. It was great. Oxytocin and calorie burning! My goal is to arrange one such experience a week.

I need a plan for the coming week. Do you have one? Today is Cheat Day, so the plan for today is eat mindfully. The danger is going to come in around Wednesday through Friday. My dearest friend and some of her family is coming, and there will be a mighty baking and roasting, and while I'm not worried about Thanksgiving, I AM worried about the days before and after. It's going to be awfully hard to eat per the plan while making pies and cranberry jelly on Wednesday. Right now I'm leaning towards eat-mindfully-and-hope-for-the-best Weds-Fri, and back to work on Saturday. How's that for a plan? And exercise. Exercise every one of those days including Thanksgiving.

What's your plan?

Friday, November 20, 2009

More Toothpaste Pictures

My 14s from the summer are getting loose

So I bought these Riders from Walmart, a decidedly snug 12:

My BMI is 26.1 as of this morning. My fasting blood sugar was 111. I do feel like I am getting maybe a little burly around the shoulders :) But you know, I don't think I look like I "earned" pre-diabetes because I'm such an unconscionable couch potato.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Snit Post

Ok, I am probably getting PMS early, but I want to respond to an idea I see bouncing around on the internet-- that diabetes is a choice, and that if diabetics just get their acts together and do right things, they can cure their disease.

Here goes:

"Facing a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes, many people immediately ask, ‘Is there a diabetes cure?’ Unfortunately, the answer is no.

"Once you have it, you have it," says R. Paul Robertson, M.D., president, Medicine and Science, of the American Diabetes Association, and professor of medicine and pharmacology at the University of Washington, Seattle. "You can make it go into remission, but it will always be there because it is a disease linked to your genetics. You can't cure type 2 diabetes because you can't make that gene go away.” But you can make significant strides against the disease, often to the point of quitting medication.

Type 2 Diabetes: Diet and Exercise Can Feel Like a Diabetes Cure

Most people end up with type 2 diabetes for two reasons. Their body has become resistant to insulin because they are overweight or obese. And their pancreas is unable to produce enough insulin to overcome that resistance.

Diet and exercise are considered essential to treating diabetes. In fact, many people who eat right and work out every day respond so well it feels like a diabetes cure, especially if they lose a significant amount of weight and their blood sugar levels remain stable.

Unfortunately, by the time diabetes has progressed far enough to be diagnosed, the pancreas often has been damaged by the strain put on it. Many cells in the organ have ceased producing insulin altogether, and there's no way to reverse the damage. That means if the patient slacks off on diet and exercise, the diabetes will return as strong as ever.

The good news: If you catch diabetes early enough, you can prevent further damage to your pancreas. That makes diet and exercise very important, and maintaining an ideal body weight crucial. In fact, some people can control their blood sugar levels through diet and exercise alone, without having to resort to medicine."

Please believe I am not trying to belittle the critical importance of good diet and exercise. Or the importance of terrorizing your offspring into maintaining a normal weight if diabetes runs in your family :P But it is a genetic problem. You can have a normal BMI and still get diabetes. You can weigh 400 pounds and not get it. It seems terribly important to me we not forward this idea that Type 2s are somehow choosing to be diabetic. It's just not true and it adds stigma to what is already a very difficult diagnosis.

My 145 pound uncle has what used to be called "high blood sugar". My 115 pound grandmother had it. My dad, unsurprisingly, has type 2. When I was a teen with a BMI of 19, I used to faint if I didn't eat right-- hypoglycemia is a precursor to Type 2. There is some evidence that insulin resistance comes first, and the extra weight comes after-- because your body is crying out for the sugar that is circulating in the blood stream rather than gaining admission to the cells.

You take some poor soul who is always hungry, craving carbs, overweight, with a pancreas worn out from years of trying to compensate. That person becomes diabetic. Then you tell him, Gosh, why are you choosing to be diabetic? In what way is that helpful?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

All Over Post

I am orienting for my new job, see. Today was nice 'cause I got to ride around with my lovely friend and gossip in between patients. However, the schedule I have written up on the white board looks like this:

7:30 kids to school
8:30 phone meeting
10:00 meet coworker for orientation till 2
2:30 pick up little girls
3:30 herd little girls into ballet suits
4:00 leave for ballet 1/2 hour away
5:00 take something in to office
5:30 pick up little girls and bring them home
6:00 feed kids and supervise homework
7:00 pick up husband from work

I know people do this every day. The friend I rode with today has 5 children, a full time job, and is learning to be a midwife, so she has to take off at the drop of a hat to attend a birth. She never has any time at all: that's just a given.

You know how there are things you Just Won't Do? Like people who refuse to make airport runs, or eat spinach, or listen to rap? I HATE having every minute scheduled. If I have any choice at all, I won't live that way. Looks like they're going to offer me a regular part-time position and not just PRN, so if it works out I'm going to have to define a new normal.

I managed to track with Sparkpeople Monday (1900) and today (1350 so far). I'm definitely running over my target. Monday I got too hungry. I don't know if it's an insulin-resistant thing but I find that hard to recover from. Clearly I need to plan the day first. I know that, I get that, I just find it hard to do. I picked up the Jillian Michaels shred and cajoled my DH into doing it with me. It's as nasty as I expected. Also my husband made some remark about JM not being his cup of tea physically. It takes tremendous work and commitment to look like Jillian Michaels and to be honest she is not really my ideal either, but I had a moment's worry I was getting too cut. Then reality returned and I had a good laugh. "Too cut" is soooo not going to be a problem for me.

Also, 7 year olds make awesome personal trainers because they do everything and chirp, "That's easy, Mommy! I can do THAT!"

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Makes a Good Life?

Good health and looking your best, right? That's why we're on this road. It can be inconvenient and frustrating, but the net result is way in the plus column. What else do you need for a good life? This is my list, highly personalized and in no particular order.

1. A warm and sustaining family life.

2. Observance of customs, holidays, rituals.

3. Close relationships with extended family.

4. Great friendships, frequent casual contacts with people who care about how you're doing.

5. Enough money, so you don't have to sweat daily needs, can afford small pleasures and provide for your children and your future.

6. Enough time so that you can spend some as you choose.

7. Spiritual life and charity.

8. A pretty place to live, so that you live your life against a backdrop that makes you happy.

9. Novelty-- shows, travel, new experiences.

10. An affectionate marriage with all the usual perks.

Do I have all these? Hell no. I am strong in some areas (1, 6, 8, and 10). Others are okay. The two I am particularly missing are 4 and 7. I ran into a book club friend the other day at Wegman's. I've seen her there twice and always give her an enthusiastic hug as she is a dear soul and I am a little starved for friendship. She greeted me warmly, introduced me to her friend, and said, "It's... it's Larkspur, right?" (Not my real name, but you knew that). GROAAAAAN. How sad is that? (No, it's okay to laugh. I did.)

At one time in my life there were numerous messages on my machine when I got home telling me news or inviting me somewhere. Now two messages would be a lot. When I moved eleven years ago, I left my web of friendships and connections. There's a whole host of reasons why I haven't made a new community of friends. Part of it, I'm sure, is the pull of 1, 8 & 10-- I love my house, I love my kids, and I would rather spend time with my husband curled up by the fire than do almost anything else.

My closest friend's life is mine almost flipped-- she has literally scores of devoted friends, myriad interesting casual social contacts, but no sweetie and no children. She keeps telling me I need to put in the time, just as I keep telling her that of course dating sucks, everyone hates it (apparently not true-- check out Fatfree Me in my sidebar!) But it's the only road to a mate and children besides arranged marriage.

I read an interesting book about retirement which was very clear on the point that money was only one part of preparing for retirement. Just as important to happiness were good health, sustaining social connections, meaningful work. So if you spent all your energy accumulating wealth while neglecting your health and your friends, your retirement isn't going to be all that great.

Food for thought. I'd love to hear about what a good life means to you.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

You Lose Some

Pounds (one down from yesterday, inexplicably, after going overboard on Cheat Day). And my son's long-distance GF just broke up with him again. He seems okay. I sometimes I wish I could make him 7 years old again with glasses, but of course that is not the normal course of nature and it shouldn't be. Sigh.

Thank you, my dears, for weighing in yesterday. Some South Beach fans and some WW converts. I am actually on the Beach-y side myself, and was planning a SB version of WW (no reason you can't do that, right?) It would be hard for me to figure the points without actually joining, so for this week I plan to track and report my calories. I don't know where WW points would be for me exactly-- I know it doesn't translate perfectly-- but I am going to go for under 1600 a day (which seemed so onerous a few months ago, but seems very doable these days). Today once I eat my pork chop and asparagus, unless I forgot something crucial, I should end up under 1500. Easy because I ate so much yesterday I wasn't hungry today till after Zumba at 1:30. I had sufficient bra coverage and an empty stomach so I got in a good one. My instructor did point at me midway like something from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, but it just turned out that my shoelace was untied. Whew. I fancy myself not deficient in It, but I'll tell you, in Zumba I feel pretty square.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


Well, actually, beignets not waffles.

My Boyfriend's Back, hey na hey na, so it would take a lot to upset me, certainly more than 2 pounds up on the scale which was the case this morning. He brought beignet mix back with him and as it is Cheat Day, I made those. Yummy. I am wishing to get down a few more pounds solidly and I keep kicking around Weight Watchers. I don't have a coupon and I have been hemorrhaging money lately (35% off at Coldwater Creek, yikes) so I am bouncing around the idea of trying to do it at home for a week. I would stay with my points, which I am semi-arbitrarily calculating at 23, and just not track on Cheat Days. If I could do well with it for a week, I could justify the money to join a meeting. I could just stick closer with my current plan, but I am liking the idea of mixing things up. Assuming the bounce up does not represent 7000 actual calories eaten in excess (which it better not), I have only a couple of pounds to go to make my Hot 100 goal and only 9 pounds until my BMI is 24.9 (cue clouds and Celestial Chorus).

What do you guys think? Should I try this or would I just be tampering with success?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

That BMI Thing

Ordinarily the WL blogosphere and I are just one big basket of snuggles, with deeply similar opinions on most topics. But there's one where I am apparently a renegade, which is the subject of Chunky Monkey Mamma's intriguing blog post over on Cranky Fitness (see my sidebar, sparing me the labor of making a link).

The opinion as expressed by the majority is that BMI is complete horseshit, and should not be measured at schools or conveyed to parents.

My thought is, it's all information, right? There's "Your hemoglobin is 9.3" and "I saw your husband clinching a redhead in the Denny's parking lot." Most people seem to feel that telling parents about their kid's BMI belongs in the latter camp, Information That Does More Harm Than Good.

Since it's my blog, this is my take on it. Pull up a chair.

What is BMI? It's just a fancy measure of weight versus height. We do it all the time when we look at someone's blog stats-- they weigh 173 pounds, for example. We look to see if they're 5'1, 5'8 or 6'1. If they're 6'1" and 173 pounds we stop reading their blog in annoyance because damn it, this isn't a proper WL blog, they're not even fat. See? BMI in action.

Most of us know that BMI doesn't measure body fat or muscle mass or athleticism. But it does take a stab at measuring. And the majority opinion seems to be saying that because it's not a perfect measure, we shouldn't take it or communicate it. They don't want to know, they don't want the kids to know, because it's upsetting.
The thing is-- if my doctor takes my fasting blood sugar and it's 113, it's very upsetting. I'll be worried and possibly even pissed at my doctor. Does that mean she shouldn't tell me? In my case, that measure had a very real and helpful impact on my behavior. It's possible, seeing objective evidence that a child's weight for height is unusually high, a parent might investigate further and possibly make some changes at home.

I'm not afraid of a number. Well, okay, some numbers, but not that one. BMI may be flawed (it is) but it is widely accepted, used by everything from the World Health Organization to research studies to insurance companies to Weight Watchers. Not forgetting weight loss bloggers. My kids tell me height and weight is taken privately: no one sees the letter except for the school nurse and the child's parents. Our letters actually take pains to describe the limitations of BMI. How the parents use that information is up to them, just like any other measure including grades, test scores, or vision screening results.

If this were any other number, like cholesterol or nearsightedness, we wouldn't be pitching fits over flaws in the system of measurement. It's because body weight is such a wretchedly loaded topic people don't want to know and some even get angry if a potential problem is mentioned. My doctor never said a word about my weight at any point, even with fasting blood sugars over 100. I'm sure she's been conditioned not to. Is she really doing me a favor? What do you think?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

100-minus 50

HARD TO BELIEVE, isn't it? As I am too lazy to count myself, I am going by the much more together Diane of Fit To the Finish (who, and I will just say it, seems like such an incredibly dear, balanced, and kindly person.) So we're half done with the Hot 100 Challenge and I am still dangling 2 pounds above my Jan 1 goal. The suspense.

I did pretty well with my exercise goals- did my weights 3 1/2 times (last night would be the half.) I hit Zumba three times although today was subpar due to a missing piece of key technology: the running bra. I am protective of the girls. I did acquire Zumba shoes so I'll give a report after I try them out. And I bought a pair of size 12 khakis for my new job because they fit better than the 14s. And I am wearing them. And they are not tight. As I have pointed out to every member of my family currently present including the dog.

I am missing my husband. Do you ever miss someone physically? When I am missing my little girl I have a little-girl-sized lack in the middle of my body, just where she fits when I squeeze her. I still hug the big kids though I am trying to be protective of their dignity. Mostly I like to look at them.

I may be short a husband (who is eating beignets and gumbo and learning from the heavy hitters in his field). But I have a fire in the fireplace, the homework is done, the kids fed and the kitchen tidied, and now I get to work on my NaNoWriMo project. Woot!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


That's from Pogo, if there are any other underground fans out there.

This is one of the few times I wish I Twittered. I need someone to help me separate from this comfortable couch next to this cozy fire and go upstairs and do some working out. My husband is away, sniff, and I am Holding Down The Fort, working on my NaNoWriMo book (23,700 words! As someone said once, "That's not writing. That's typing.") Gravity suggests I should stay down here with a cup of tea but I have the example of certain bloggers (you know who you are) raising the bar on all of us. Foo.

Let's see if I can get up there and do it.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Demotivational Poster

What motivates you?

(Sorry. That just cracks me up.)

There was a great post a while back by the wonderful Foody McBody, which post I cannot find in her archives, but who could have been speaking for me. Basically stating that losing weight for cosmetic reasons is a mixed bag for some of us. I was rather irritated about it myself, in perhaps a not very mature way. I didn't see why a zaftig BMI-of-29 woman couldn't be considered attractive (even if I didn't like what I saw in pictures-- I was pretty good at editing what I saw in the mirror.) Blood sugar doesn't lie, squinting at a glucometer doesn't help any, and diabetes doesn't care whether you look ok in Spanx. So when I had to for health reasons, I managed to pull it together and do what I should have done ten years ago. (I might have saved my gall bladder, for one thing.) My blood sugars are responding, a bunch of aches and pains have disappeared, and it's all good.

Except the whole looking good thing is still problematic. I would love to hear from other 40-something women how they manage midlife + getting in shape. When I get checked out, I can't help but think, "Oh geez, I'm 43, how many more years can this possibly last?" Which is unhelpful, to say the least. I wish I could say that I had some great philosophical tool to battle my regret. The only thing that seems to help is reminding myself that those eighteen years were for the most part lovely ones, I have had the joy of a happy marriage with (yay!) all the trimmings, and I certainly looked perfectly all right much of the time, at least once I got past my weeble period. But I guess it is okay to mourn a little bit that I was not able to pull this out sooner-- and it was not for lack of taking it seriously, or trying. I wasn't any more lazy or greedy than I am now: I certainly knew plenty about health and nutrition. It was just that at the time, the risks were theoretical and not actual, and looking good wasn't a keen enough motivator.

In other news, I went back to work today. I'll be settling down to 10-15 hours a week, but today was all day in a conference room. AND lunch at Friendly's, where my new boss kindly took me. I scrutinized the menu, but there is NOTHING TO EAT at Friendly's if you are trying eat halfway healthy. I ended up having chicken with bacon and cheese on it (!) and mixed vegetables, leaving the rice and garlic bread it came with. I had a lonely diet pepsi while my coworkers were enjoying sundaes. But I had some dark chocolate in the car, so don't feel too sorry for me :) I 5-factored at home because I needed it (all that sitting). It's going to be a hellish busy week. Wish me luck.

Friday, November 6, 2009

I Like 'Em Chunky

I absolutely adore this song. We play it in Zumba while doing indescribable things that are very good for your abdominals and lower back. I just so love the idea of a woman being celebrated for taking up space.

It's FRIDAY. I get to sit by the fire near my sweetie and work on my book-in-a-month project. We have three extra teens on the premises which means we have achieved critical mass and they will amuse themselves, noisily.

On the subject of chunky, or not so chunky, I have this probably strange mental phenomenon that keeps reappearing. Ever since I was a little girl I imagined another girl just like me, who did things correctly. Who was never late getting ready for school and did all her homework properly. I still feel like that person is with me. She never got fat-- I bet her mother probably didn't die either-- though she is aging along with me, raising children, keeping house. Once in a rare while my life intersects with hers and I have a moment that is exactly right, the way it should be. I might be fixing an after-school snack or washing dishes, but for one instant the idealized me and the actual me are one and the same. And it feels so sweet, I can't describe it. It's funny because I don't expect or necessarily even want to be perfect. I enjoy most of my messy and semi-chaotic life. But it does feel satisfying to live closer to that mysterious "right" version of myself.

Who, by the way, is going to stay out of the cookies her daughter is making until the stroke of midnight-- CHEAT DAY.

New measurements today:

hip-- 42
bust-- present and accounted for
waist-- 31 or 30 if you go for the absolute skinniest possible point while exhaling
thigh-- 25.5 ish (woot)
arm-- 11.5 (also woot)

Happy Weekend, my dears.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Just a little PMS-y in that last post. I am blessed with a lovely life, touch wood. But on day 28 or so it doesn't take much to put my nose out of joint. I wish I had a blinking yellow light on my forehead so that my husband would know that I am due for a turbo boost in hugs, kisses, and admiring remarks. I'm over the bump and on heavy doses of ibuprofen and iron so let's hope my next posts are more mellow.

Yesterday, properly stoked with hugs and assurances that NO I'm not getting ancient and YES I am still cute, I 5-factored. Today I hope to make Zumba though these first 2 days of TOM it really makes sense to retire to a comfortable yurt and eat muffins. Much as we would all like that, modern society doesn't allow for it. I planned my food out yesterday which always helps. Scale is up a pound but that's just the weight of my ravenous ego taking on reassurance (the real cause of TOM bloating).

On the subject of getting over myself, I ran into a yahoo article yesterday about a little girl that for one minute just about made me want to die of sadness. I had to go in and hug and kiss my sleeping little one, waking her up in the process. "I love you, mom," she said sleepily. So my new mental cue for getting over myself: Priorities, bonehead!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Today's To-Do List

This is what I have in my little notebook which I maintain in the absence of a functioning memory:

trail walk or Zumba
good cry
dispose of mouse
clean car
adjust expectations
JD's gift certificate
one hour at office
take Tylenol and iron and probiotic
get over yourself

Of those I get to cross off groceries and mouse. The mouse wasn't dead and went elsewhere on its own hook. Still working on the rest.

I did buy myself a pair of size 12 jeans at Walmart. (Lee Riders, $18 for those keeping track). They fit and go on and look normal, though they aren't as comfie as my slightly loose 14s. When I look at the new ones they're starting to look like a more or less normal size that would fit a regular person's body. My pants and skirts were big enough in the past that I used to look at them and think, "Gosh, really?"

My main task for today as I see it is to Get Over Myself. If any of you have any good tips for that, I am lookin' for advice.

Peace out.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ok, So That Didn't Go So Well

Somewhere on some clever blog or other, I read about "Binge and Purge." Which means that when you succumb to one too many of those little wrappered foods, you gather them all up and PURGE. I gave them to my son to hide. I was going to keep the "Monster Teeth" around to convey to my kids the all-important idea that candy is not this thrilling forbidden substance. They were doing fine; me, not so hot. So now it's all disappeared and unlike my husband, my son's a good hider.

I ended up coming down a couple of pounds because my (fairly minor) candy spree was offset by a tummy ache. Don't do this:

1. Go to Zumba, rock out, leap, jump and whoop it up.
2. Come home starving.
3. Decide to stop at store for bacon because that would be delicious.
4. Buy bananas that are almost ripe and eat one.
5. Followed by four slices of bacon.
6. Spend the afternoon and evening in pain, but still hungry, and trying to soothe the stomach with candy corn. Which doesn't work, oddly enough.

The upshot was I was back down to 173 this morning but at a cost. All cookies and cupcakes are expunged, and the candy's gone except a little bit that got missed which I can safely throw out.

I want to take a minute for a Public Service Announcement, directed specifically to myself: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are exactly three days out of the next two months. Six if you give yourself a day for preparing awesome food. So that's 6 days out of 60-- if the other 54 is spend doing good things, then there's no reason I can't show a loss on January 1. I'm only 2 pounds from my 10% Hot 100 goal, which equals a calorie deficit of 129 calories a day over 54 days. Let's hope I can make that! Gratz to South Beach Steve for coming up with this well-timed challenge. It helps to have a focus during this delightful but treacherous part of the year.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Hot 100 Update

First, the Confessor costume I (mostly) made ===>
Get a load of the Converse.

For my big goal, I think I'm on track. I was 173 earlier in the week although there seems to have been a Halloween bounce to 175. (Don't you love the way I say that in the third person, as if I had nothing to do with it?) So I'm either 2 or 4 pounds away from my 10% which is my ultimate Hot 100 goal for January.

Halloween is rough. Our party coincided with Cheat Day. I ended up eating a lot and I realized it was because I had to (or thought I had to) eat quickly rather than enjoy special foods rejoicing over every bite. I feel my success so far has been mainly shifting what I eat (away from bread, sugar, and cheese, toward protein/vegetables/ fruits) but I have to say there was a definite psychology of eating piece at play yesterday. If I don't savor my treats, they don't register. I know that's kind of Duh and obvious, but sometimes you just have to experience the obvious for yourself.

I've only lost 20 pounds, but I am going to click my heels a little bit because the small satisfactions feel so nice. Today's pleasure: buying a pair of regular size L pajamas and having them fit properly. I don't need different sizes for top and bottom anymore: I'm not perilously squeezing out of the largest size, putting them in a drawer, and assuring the giver that "it's a little too warm for them yet."

FBS was 102 this morning which is not bad considering yesterday was 98% refined carbohydrates and 2% mummy dog.

My Hot One hundred goals for this week are:

1. Getting all cookies and cupcakes out of the house by tomorrow. I can stop at one or two pieces of candy corn (I think) but homemade butter cookies with all butter icing? Not so much.

2. Zumba or walk at least twice, 5-factor at least 3 times.

I am stocked with canned seltzer and plums (my secret weapons). Shouldn't be too crazy this week if I don't let it get that way, so let's see if I can ditch another pound. ("Look! What's that? Oooh, I think it's a stick! Go check it out! Fetch!")

Friday, October 30, 2009

Exercise Addiction?

I nearly felt like crying when I finally got to Zumba today. Well, okay, I didn't actually shed tears, but it felt so great to be back. It's like a party with loud music and people you know where you get to dance with abandon. Women of all ages, sizes, and ethnic backgrounds just wildly shakin' it. Even yesterday, forcing myself to do chest presses, at some point it starts to feel good and gratifying while being simultaneously hard and unpleasant. Some kind of neurotransmitter is kicking in there.

Some room for improvement on the food front. I have been desperately busy all week, and there is Halloween stuff around. I've been fairly mindful but our Halloween Party is tomorrow for which I am painfully underprepared ===> anxious =====> licking a few too many batter spoons. It's nine thirty and I have about a thousand miles to go before I sleep. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Short Pissy Post

It's a packed week. Most of it beyond my control. I had my stuff packed for Zumba, but my poor husband was being pelted with phone calls and issues at work and it would have been decidedly unwifely (unuxorial? or is that just husbands?) to leave him. So I missed Zumba, and I was really upset. Still am. I keep wanting to complain about it in a highly unhelpful manner. I don't know about you guys, but when I plan exercise and bring all the stuff and then am prevented from going, I feel like a rat getting its tail pinched. Stress. There are certain things that keep me happy and when I don't get them I am as snitty as can be. My son needs jeans, which makes me absolutely wild with frustration-- I hate my kids looking shabby in the same thing day after day (childhood issues). I have NO TIME to get him a new pair. My favorite size 16 Geoffrey Beene skirt I used to feel more or less slinky in is now falling off my hips in a totally unalluring way. Finally, my daughter's best friend is going to be a Mouse in the Nutcracker, and she didn't get cast (remember? MY FAULT, for not getting her there 3 times a week), and we're both kind of heartbroken. And I didn't have my shit together with Halloween Invitations this year so our party is going to be small. I'm worried our young guests won't have a good time.

Bourgeois Suffering, as my best friend might gently point out. All I need is a good Zumba class. Or a good cry. I'd prefer the former.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I feel like my behavior has not been quite there for fat loss. You just feel like you know what you have to do, and you know more or less when you've done it. But sometimes the scale messes with your head. I unloaded the magazines from mine (bathroom reading clean out). I made sure it was zeroed and I stepped on it. 174ish. Maybe 173. (Remember, I can't see in the mornings.) I have not been that impressed with myself in my fitness behavior lately, although I'm still eating lots of plums and recently discovered flavored seltzer in a can (big puffy heart). So why am I down a pound? Not sure I believe it, but I'll take the enjoyable (irrational) feelings of self-actualization that go with it. Scale wise, I am like Mr. Weston in Persuasion, the perpetual optimist. Even a subsequent rise probably won't make me feel like this was a mistake. I'll decide the high number was a mistake. See? We optimists are supposed to be less accurate than pessimists. But we have our fun.

Friday, October 23, 2009

So Vain

I am helping out in my SO's office for a few weeks till his office person is back on-line. Since I got a part time job (woot!), starting in a couple of weeks, I felt justified in buying a few things (doesn't take much.) I usually shop at Christopher Banks like the square I am, as it has pretty things that are not too dowdy, too goofy, too hipster, or too expensive. This time I stopped at Penny's and bought a lined, black watch plaid skirt and a rather snazzy black shirt for a grand total of $32. The skirt had this bizarrely perfect fit. Weight training has changed my body so that I'm more hour-glass-y and less pear-like. Things look more or less the way they're supposed to, even though I am still north of 170 pounds and 31% (shudder) body fat. Anyway, in a pair of heels and dark tights, I enjoyed feeling All That. Which is good because today was my son's 18th birthday and I am now the mother of an adult, which though a great things is a little difficult to wrap my mind around.

For the birthday dinner I had some Italian sub and ice cream cake... okay and some chips... and a little Smartfood (Evil, evil substance!) I felt a bit uneasy as it is Not Cheat Day, so I saddled up at 10 pm and did my 5 Factor workout (5 minutes elliptical, 3 sets of 25 tap squats and 25 chest flys, 75 side bends with weights, followed by another 6 minutes elliptical). My husband and I were noticing that before, we would have fed ourselves subs, cake, and Smartfood in a disorganized way, consuming a lot more calories and thinking little of it. Now we think. Though I do have the Moral High Ground, 'cause I worked out and he didn't. Not that I'm keeping track or anything :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Challenge Update

Under the wire.

I'm moving toward my big goal-- looks like 3/7 pounds down to make 171 by the new year. I have been on and off deciding whether I have flu, so I only got in a couple of weight workouts and two or three Zumba this week. Planning has been erratic. I feel like I need to go say a couple rosaries or something: Forgive-me-Father for I haven't managed to keep clear focus this week. I've been working on my novel quite a bit as I have, or imagine I have, the time to do it, and I am kind of weaving in and out of a fictional world. The here and now has some urgent claims on my time so I better get my shit together. But I am happy, overall, that my way of eating is pretty overlearned so it's not hard to follow when I get short of time or confused. I'm lucky I've found something that keeps the calories reasonable even when I don't manage to plan carefully.

I have been kicking around the idea of Weight Watchers as the wonderful Foodie McBody (whom I view as a guide in this insulin-resistant jungle) is now a leader and a huge booster. My husband is mildly resistant. He thinks I'm doing fine on the current system and pointed out that we have (1) home equipment (2) a Gowear Fit band and (3) two gym memberships. Is more really necessary? That kind of took the wind out of my sails. So that one's on hold. Just as well, until I get my fictional characters to a place of safety, I don't think I will be able to concentrate properly.

Have a great, focused, flu-free week, everybody!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Real Reason for Baby Fat

NOOOOW I get it. When I was 12, we moved to the city and I discovered walking to the convenience store to blow my allowance on candy. My mom started teaching farther away and I was on my own for breakfast and lunch, which meant I didn't eat them. Add puberty and you have the recipe for a 145 pound 12 year old. Even at 5'7", back in the late 70's, that was Fat. (Remember all those sooooper skinny ladies from the '70s?) I didn't appeal to boys until I joined Old Weight Watchers and dropped 20 lbs.

My daughter is officially 5'9" at her last checkup with a BMI of 20. Kids are bigger than they used to be, she's an athlete (basketball), and she's pretty much normal size. She is also pretty and has been the object of crushing here and there. Well, she's decided to return one of these crushes, and her father and I are amazingly unthrilled about it. He's a very nice boy but he's older by 3 years and she's only in 8th grade. I've told her since forever that she can't date (except going out as friends in groups) until she's 16. I've been kind of tying myself in knots over how much guidance/supervision to exercise around her food (probably making it harder than it needs to be), wanting to spare her as much as possible from the health and social hassles of getting too fat, while skirting the yawning abyss of eating disorders. (Also, I don't want to be an a**hole about it. So much potential for "Can you believe Mom used to" stories.) Here I've missed the obvious answer: donuts and cookies! Twinkies at every meal! Forget rollerblading, curl up with a book! 15 pounds of protective puppy fat and her Dad and I could stop hyperventilating about Facebook posts and texting. Or I could write "I'M 13, BACK OFF" on her forehead in Sharpie.

How do you guys pass down good food/weight/health messages to your kids? I read everything I can on the subject and I still don't have any "truth" to pass down other than Eat Real Food and Exercise.

PS I had an interview today. I'll keep y'all posted.

Monday, October 19, 2009


This time last year, the scale said 195.
Today, it's 175.

My fasting blood sugar two days ago was 113.
This morning, after a low-carb dinner, it was 94.

My myotape tells me my dimensions are 40/31/42.25. My thigh measures 25.75.

I've lost 3 points in BMI (29.6 to 26.6).
I've shed 20 pounds, 10% of my original body weight.
I'm still 4 pounds from losing 10% as of starting this blog.

This is the least I've weighed since October of 1990. I was a newlywed in a sweet little apartment, still unpacking my wedding china. My mother was in the hospital and they couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. My husband was in his second year of graduate school and we were all very young (24, in my case).

It took me a several months of inefficient effort + biliary stones to lose the first five pounds and 21 weeks of changed behavior to part with the last 15. If I had to give advice to myself a year ago? "It's the food, foolish person." Exercise is great, but eating mostly whole grains wasn't enough; I had to cut way back on grains/carbs and also find a way of eating them spaced out with other foods (protein, fiber) so they didn't do weird and undesirable things with my blood sugar. Once I started eating monstly good quality food and moderating the sugar spikes, I didn't get that Feed-Me-Seymour style hunger anymore. I also have to admit that for me, a cheat day is key. The thought of giving up breads and cookies forever was just too upsetting. I attach a lot of comfort and pleasure not just to those foods but to the process of preparing them, and while I'm happy to enjoy them just once in a while (happier, really, than scarfing them daily), the thought of Never Again was not acceptable to me.

This blog has been so important. Partly for accountability (embarrassing to post a gain). But really more for the peer group. My virtual peer group eats really well and keeps finding challenging new workouts and I don't want to feel like an outlier, you know?

I can't wait to see what we can accomplish in the next 21 weeks.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

What to Eat: Part 1, Snacks

The word from Harly P requires you to eat every three hours or so-- three meals and a couple of snacks. Every time you eat you're supposed to get 5 grams of fiber, protein, and some healthy fat, plus a sugar free drink. I am not hard core about this but I do try to keep it in mind. I have a few favorites I can't wait to eat every day (Cherry Shake!)but I often find myself drawing a complete blank. Some days I reach for something dismal like a diet pudding which is probably not technically food, even if they are sort of entertaining to eat. I am begging for snack ideas, so help me out, friends. What do you eat between meals? Here's my limited list:

--whey shake with fruit, ice, and 2% milk
--Ezekiel toast with half a sliced banana and peanut butter
--apple with peanut butter
--plum and a Fiber One bar
--2% cottage cheese, raisins and pecans
--Fiber One cereal which is delish, but difficult digestively (definitely have to look into the beano) and it tastes so sweet I am suspicious of it
--couple ounces of deli turkey or ham with mustard and a plum
--thawed mixed berries with plain yogurt and Golean Crunch

As you can see there's a fair amount of processed food in this list, and most of these things taste sweet. I am trying to step back from the artificial sweeteners in the hope they will wean me from needing that sweetness. What's your very best and favorite snack?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Moral High Ground

I never fully appreciated the importance of high ground until I went to Gettysburg. We zipped around on Segways in this golden, blowy sunset, everything quiet and green and no sign of the mayhem of 150 years ago. Anyway, there is a hill that had been partially cleared by local farmers. By the second day of battle it became clear that Little Round Top was the place to be, because the guns of that time could shoot out and down a lot better than they could shoot up. The Union just barely got control of Little Round Top in time and it was ably defended by the 20th Maine who fixed bayonets and charged when they found themselves out of ammunition.* Kind of puts dieting in perspective, doesn't it?

At the Halloween Parade party at my friend's house I iced cupcakes without eating any. And I felt that elusive satisfaction that is the Moral High Ground. It's funny, it's a quieter pleasure than an actual cupcake, but it's still nice.

*Apologies to those that actually know this stuff.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Secret Weapon

I weigh first thing, when the light's just starting to break. I'm bleary at that hour and my scale has tiny numbers. I kind of like it that way, mind you. I don't want some obnoxious digital scale laying down the law. I prefer some flexibility in my facts. Yesterday I thought it said sort of 176ish but I put down 177 to be safe. This morning it looked, squinting, 175ish which means maybe I really did lose a bit. I tried to figure out what I did differently. All I could think of, apart from getting back to Zumba, was that big tray of plums I bought at Costco. Costco has lovely fruit and these are huge plums with this lovely mottled sheen on them. I've wanted to eat them up and I am the only taker so I have been having these between or before meals when I'm hungry. They take up a lot of tummy real estate, evidently to good effect. So that's my secret weapon this week. (Also I bought Rock and Roll Part Two for my Ipod, which forces you to dance around in your underwear. Good thing I'm home alone during the day).

What about YOU? What's the James Bond gadget in your weight loss arsenal?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hot 100 Challenge-- Update on Goals

Which were:

1. 3 5-factor workouts
2. Write down in advance for the day what I plan to eat and when.
3. Keep the blogging outside family time
4. Big goal is still 171 by January 1.
5. Don't smooch my husband when he is sick.

1. Yes*
2. 4/7
3. Yes
4. Down 1 so six pounds to go with 11 weeks left.
5. He isn't sick, haha!

I made myself a star chart. I really did. Much to the amusement of my family.

Leah of My New Ending has some interesting observations on her fear of "coming out" with her new way of eating. She's fearful that others will criticize or tell her she's doing it wrong. I can sympathize. For most of my overweight years I've tried to show a, "I"m going to occupy this much space and that's how it is, people," kind of attitude. But I have had my moments of self-consciousness. Still do. One of the small joys of being trim must surely be enjoying a cupcake publicly without feeling self-conscious. My father in law has told stories of his mother, who was fat and was never seen to eat. Poor woman was probably guilted into stuffing her face furtively while she was cleaning up, fixing food, etc. Perhaps never feeling entitled to a lovely meal without self-consciousness. My mom used to eat standing up (a habit I am guilty of at times) and it always bothered me. It was like her worn, pinned together bras. Love yourself, mom! Enjoy your meal! Buy some great underwear! You can afford it! My nana would make beautiful little lunches for herself with a placemat and napkin. I thought that was wildly civilized and yet I rarely go to that effort for myself. I've been doing it more lately, tied in with sketching out my meals for the day, and I it makes a difference in feeling truly fed.

So there you go, friends. How about we all buy ourselves some great underwear and a couple of placemats!

*If I do it tonight. Though I'm pretty tired from Zumba. There was a man in class today and I am amazed he was not vaporized by the pulsating estrogen.

Monday, October 12, 2009

The Dress

My middle daughter decided she wanted to be a Confessor from Legend of the Seeker for Halloween. (Just picture a flowing white medieval dress, you get the idea). I picked out a pattern and bought the goods. "Wow, you pick the hard ones," said the man checking me out at the fabric store. "Better you than me," my mother in law said doubtfully. Even my husband looked mildly skeptical. My seven year old piped up, "Mom, that looks hard! Can you really sew that?" I just smiled and said "We'll see," because I was pretty sure I could sew that. I haven't sewed in a while but I know what to do, more or less. The dress is hanging up nearly complete downstairs. I was correct in my confidence, not that I wouldn't make mistakes, but that I understood the process well enough to retrieve the mistakes I did make (and there were at least three major ones). A real seamstress would smile at my ill-set sleeves and imperfect hemline, but my daughter looks great and is happy with it. I did what I set out to do.

What I wish is that I could apply that relaxed confidence to other areas of my life. I'm not sure where I got so tied up in knots. I wasn't raised with harsh criticism; my husband is the soul of tolerance. Somehow the need to be angry at myself for failing is so seductive. I only got my poor little daughter to ballet twice a week instead of three times; now she won't get cast in the Nutcracker, because she didn't go often enough. I've applied for a couple of jobs but haven't heard back. I have about a hundred irons in the fire but I have tremendous difficulty in putting forth that last 15% in order to get it done. I'm maintaining my weight and getting to my workouts three or four times a week, but I'm progressing so very slowly compared to my blog friends. Not sure what to do. The only mantra that seems to work is, "Yes, I am teeming colony of flaws, but my family's stuck with me. They just have to put up with my imperfections." Reassurances don't seem to help much, unfortunately. It's like trying to reassure an obsessive-compulsive that yes, they turned the stove off. I just have to work through it myself.

On a brighter note, I 5 factored today and yesterday, even though it was damned late (10 pm) and I didn't feel like it. Felt good both times so I get a gold star for that.

Maybe that's what I need... a star chart :) Or some cognitive behavioral therapy.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Ever get a stretch where things just aren't breaking your way? Cue Joe Walsh: "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do..." Well today I got one or two breaks and I am a happy woman. We got the health insurance figured out and the outlay is going to be more on the lines of $700 a month versus $1300 a month. That takes the huge trapezoidal Wiley-Coyote-style weight off my head while I'm job hunting. I am feeling less anxious, perhaps because Certain Activities, which have been in suspension due to the illness of both parties, are back on the board. Much better.

If you missed the big reveal, go check out Jack S*'s blog. He's a good-looking devil, though I had to bite my wifely tongue to keep from urging him to buy clothes that fit better. Bright blue, clear green, or something in a warm autumnal brown, Jack. And don't get too much thinner, I'll bet your wife wants something with substance to hold on to. At least I do. My husband has always been like a comforting wall. He's a smaller wall now and though he looks great, it startled me a bit the other day. Luckily weight loss isn't going to shrink the sturdy bones passed to him by seven generations of Pennsylvania Dutch farmer stock. (Pity I don't feed him the way their wives did. I've seen a lot of farmers with vascular disease, eating those fabulous lardy dishes even though farming doesn't burn the calories it once did.)

I'm going to try to get into Zumba today. I haven't done any real exercise for a week, plus I managed to do something to my toe while sitting placidly in my hairdresser's chair (pinched nerve?) so I am going to look pretty feeble. Gotta start somewhere.

Hope I can pass my little streak of luck down the line and that things break your way, too.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hot 100 Update

Shout-out to South Beach Steve, the progenitor of our end-of-the-year challenge.

These were my goals:

1. 4 5-factor workouts
2. Write down in advance for the day what I plan to eat and when. Doesn't mean I have to keep to the plan perfectly-- I just want a plan.
3. Keep the blogging outside family time (schooldays ok, in reason).
4. Big goal is still 7 pounds in the next-- what? 93 days? Anybody know?

I blew (1) bigtime, but I have a doctor's excuse. I got fairly sick and I am just now feeling like my blood wasn't sucked out by a vacuum. So we'll reset that goal for next week, adjusting to three five factor workouts due to my general feebleness.

2. was not so good either. 3 days out of 7. I can do better next week.

3. Did well with that.

4. I lost a pound, but I'm pretty sure it was a pound of muscle :(

I am going to keep these goals for next week, and add one more:

5. Do not smooch my SO or share his glass when he is obviously sick.

Over the Top!

Amazon Runner kindly passed on this nifty award. You're supposed to give one-word answers, but I am a windy person, what can I say.

1. Where is your cell phone? cool charging station DH gave me for our anniversary
2. Your hair? curly
3. Your mother? I miss her every day
4. Your father? I miss him too, but him I can get on the phone :)
5. Your favorite food? homemade apple pie
6. Your dream last night? adopting my friend's redheaded baby :)
7. Your favorite drink? cherry shake
8. Your dream/goal? print publish a novel (I did an ebook ten years ago)
9. What room are you in? family room
10. Your hobby? writing
11. Your fear? not raising all my kids to adulthood
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? surrounded by family, healthy, solvent
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? tidy
15. Muffins? whole wheat raisin bran from Wegman's
16. Wish list item? king sized four poster
17. Where did you grow up? Cottonwood, AZ
18. Last thing you did? eat breakfast
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Your TV? huge
21. Your pets? dog, hamster, birds
22. Friends? not enough and too far away
23. Your life? lucky
24. Your mood? slightly anxious
25. Missing someone? my mom
26. Vehicle? Civic with a moonroof
27. Something you’re not wearing? bracelets-- hate the way they feel
28. Your favorite store? Ikea
29. Your favorite color? lavender blue
30. When was the last time you laughed? this morning
31. Last time you cried? a week or so (see "Revenge" post)
32. Your best friend? Marjorie
33. One place that I go to over and over? Appalachian Trail
34. One person who emails me regularly? Dad
35. Favorite place to eat? Melting Pot

I arbitrarily picked six bloggers to tag. Some of you will already have this award, but I don't care, you get it twice. My criteria is that I have to like you and think you're dear. There are many more of you whom I like and/or think are dear, but I either had a fit of the shys, figured you have eighteen copies of this award already or I was daunted about typing your lengthy blog address with all the little html tags and everything. I struggle with these darn links. Take this as a little love letter when I go to the trouble to link the following:

Leah’s New Ending
The Road Curves Ahead
Tippy Toe Diet
Just For the Health of It
South Beach Steve

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I want to report on the SO, who as usual, is doing Good Things without a lot of fanfare. I have to run around starting blogs and obsessively reading everything. He just quietly gets to it. Every so often he asks me to check the scale for him (he can't read those tiny numbers. Even I have trouble with it some bleary-eyed mornings.) He's 225 this morning. He was two-forty-humrum-humph when we started this, so that's at least 20 pounds. He's 6'3" and large-boned. He has these big, sturdy ribs. I know the BMI tables say he should weigh closer to 200. I think he would be too thin at that weight. Yikes! Am I undermining?

In other happy news, I checked my fasting blood sugar this morning. I haven't gotten below 100 in the last several years. I got 93! This was after a good, five- factor dinner (mushrooms, chicken, and asparagus) and I belayed the chocolate after dinner, although I certainly had some beforehand.

Still sick, though getting better. I am planning to attempt a gentle walk today. But I need to get my nap in first :)

Do you find your SO is helping you stay on the road during this journey, or do you feel gently blocked or undermined? I find it so helpful that we are in this together. My husband doesn't bring home foods that we should not be eating (unless it's Saturday, of course) and he helps me find homes for stuff I find a little too good to keep around. He tends to be better about food, while I am (usually) a little more insistent on exercise. The only possible unhelpful habit he has is stocking diet soda at home. I want to kick this unfortunate habit and keep backsliding, but I feel like I should be able to deal with this on my own and not expect him to give up the occasional Coke Zero. He would get rid of it if asked but I am not quite ready to ask. What about you?

Monday, October 5, 2009


I have to post a happy WOOT, because I ordered some test strips online and checked a random blood sugar. 96! Don't know what my fastings are and suspect they're still high, but I was afraid of seeing something much worse.

Cough Cough

I am sorry to report I got cocky about my bursting 5-Factor good health, and failed to avoid my husband's cooties properly when he was sick, so now I am sick. No working out at all going on here although I hope to work myself up to a gentle walk today. I admit I'm worried about losing condition and looking feeble in Zumba but there's no help for it. I haven't been too uncomfortable with it and don't have anything major on the docket, so the plan is to creep around doing laundry and errands, with the occasional curl-up by the fire with a cup of tea. Could be worse! My Challenge report this week will be pretty feeble, but you watch me next week. I'm gonna kick butt.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Toothpaste is Slimming

Here at "Am I Really That Fat" you won't find a lot of pictures for the following reasons:

1. I suck at it.
2. I worry about being recognized-- though I pore over dozens of blogs and I have yet to recognize any of YOU, and anyway, it's not like I'm buying Soviet secrets, is it?
3. They're not that dramatic as I lose S-L-O-W-L-Y, though I probably could dig up some more really puffy before pictures.
4. So many of you are so pretty/nice-looking I am acquiring a bit of a complex.
5. I am the mother of a family, so that means there are no pictures of me unless it's something taken by my 7 year old at a really weird angle, like the bottom of my chin.

Since I have only a 2 pound loss to show this month, I thought it might be instructive to demonstrate the "skinny" stance (slightly angled) versus the "regular" stance. I think I should definitely stand this way when I'm talking to my spouse. "Why are you angled away from me with that moue on your face?" Also I think I look fatter when I clean the mirror. Toothpaste splatters are slimming.

PS I like to fantasize that this pair of jeans, memorialized in an August post, is getting loose.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Hot 100 Update

Well, if you count today, which is okay going by the loosely worded "by next Wednesday," I met my goal of 4 5 Factor workouts.

I didn't blog until after my little one was in bed, hence the radio silence.

I am working on that seven pounds though no luck there as yet.

For next week, I would like to switch up the mini-goals a bit:

1. 4 5-factor workouts
2. Write down in advance for the day what I plan to eat and when. Doesn't mean I have to keep to the plan perfectly-- I just want a plan.
3. Keep the blogging outside family time (schooldays ok, in reason).
3. Big goal is still 7 pounds in the next-- what? 93 days? Anybody know?

My neighbor knocked on my door today to tell me I'm losing weight(!) Like my mother in law, she's reluctant to believe it's only about 15 pounds (I lost a few before I started my blog). She eyed me judiciously and with 76 year old frankness decided I need to lose another 15 and then I should stop, "so you don't get too thin." She herself has walked an hour a day since 1979-- didn't want to be walking with sticks when she got old. She dialed it down to 45 minutes when she turned 75. She still mows her own lawn and volunteers and she's as sharp as a tack. Funny how some people can comment and I'm pleased and amused and other people can say it and I just want to change the subject. I think what bothers me is any hint of a moral component. That or I'm persnickety. You think? :)

Zumba'd yesterday in addition to the 5-F and today I walked one gorgeous cool blowy hour on the Appalachian trail, dodging walnuts and fallen leaves.

For those that care about such things, here's a nice analysis of the CDC vs Harvard Nurses debate. Interesting stuff.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Little Mouse

I was feeding my second grader chocolate milk and crackers when I turned to put the crackers away and found a splay footed, blind newborn mouse on the floor. It was about the size of my thumbjoint, helpless and befuddled. I got a plastic cup and a piece of paper and deposited this tiny thing outside the fence where there are other field mice making a living.

Here's the thing, we're killing mice with snappy traps because my dislike of vermin has surpassed my soft heart. But I couldn't kill anything that small. If I were tough enough, these mice would all have been trapped to extinction. So now I have to worry (a) about this tiny mouse making it and (b) all his brothers and sisters being born in their scores and leaving poop in my pantry and my silverwear drawers, eating my paper towels for bedding, and making my coat closet smell like a hamster cage. Because I am not quite firm enough in my anti-mouse campaign. I managed to quit my job, but I feel I'm being commandeered/bullied/wheedled/guilted into working past when I wanted to-- because I have difficulty in setting limits and I feel badly they're so short-staffed. I'm just one flaming ball of diffidence lately.


I was going to post on bagging my 5-F workout for today. I reminded myself it's just half an hour, I'm not really too tired, I can go light if necessary-- well I did it even though it was 9:30 pm. So that's a line in the sand. Now all I need is a pair of kittens and something heavy to run over my Blackberry.

How's your resolve holding up these days?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Still Here

One of my mini goals for the Hot 100 challenge was to not blog this week until after the little one's in bed. Which I have done. Meaning that I am scarcely managing to post, here or elsewhere. Hmm. May need to revise that.

In other news, I resigned my old job with 2 weeks notice, which was painful though I felt better after it was done. They are hemorraging staff and I felt bad deserting, but it had to be done. They did tell me I was welcome to come back so I think I managed not too be too offensive in the process :) I managed to get off my first (I know, I know) job application. I will pipe in about my other mini goals as they come due at weeks' end and of course there are Those Seven Pounds. I should follow the example of the indomitable 266 and walk 15 miles at a stretch.

Enjoy your weekend, all! I'm sure enjoying mine!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

100 Day Challenge

I've decided on my goals for the Log My Loss 100 Day Challenge. I want to check out these peppers!

This actually took some thought (I'm a cautious soul), but I think I can lose the last 7 pounds to get to my 10%. That's 14 weeks, right? So far I've averaged .8 pounds a week, that's only half a pound a week, so even with the holidays (so many! so many good things!) I think I can do it.

1. is to lose 7 lbs by January 1.

Mini-goals for the next week:

2. Save blogging/reading until after my little one's in bed (8:30).
3. Four 5-factor workouts by next Wednesday. Got one in today (lunges! Ugh!)

Eating was not great today. I forgot how hungry weight-training can make me. Don't think I ate above maintenance and anyway I'm not going to worry about it too much. I bought what I thought were rice cakes (5-factor friendly) but were in fact Rice Snacks, so though low in calories you could eat a million and not really notice.

Shaking in my boots about those 7 pounds. What a chicken. Bawk bawk!

Somebody Slap Me

I have been like the walking dead this morning (I have a 17 year old son, so I am up on my zombie lore.) After an hour and a half nap, I checked the bottle of "ibuprofen" I took last night for my sinus headache. Ibuprofen PM-- with Benadryl. Oooooh! Been administering caffeine but I'm home alone today (my sweet father went back to Arizona yesterday) and I have no one to slap me, unless I can get either Mittens the hamster or the dog to do it.

I downloaded Lose It! for my Ipod Touch. It's fun and easy to use though the food database is limited. Scale's at 178 this morning, so I figure I'm doing all right. (It could very well have been 180 due to water retention, and I would have been very down on myself. Sigh.) It's funny, I seem to lose my pounds every 2 months in 2 pound increments. The Lickety Split Diet.

In the totally unrelated department, you might be amused by this link: How Women Choose Men. I always thought there was some kind of mystery element going on there. The biochemical glass shoe. Hey baby, check out my etchings and my histocompatibility complex.

South Beach Steve of Log My Loss has a good motivational challenge starting on his blog. I want to participate, which means figuring out which one habit would be the most helpful over the next 100 days. The challenge starts today so I need to figure this out by tonight and report back.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I have one of those brains (good for some things, not for others) which tends to hyperfocus. So whatever it is that interests me, I spend a lot of time on. When I was building a house, that was all-encompassing (except for the spousal unit and kids-- everyone still ate and wore clean clothes. More or less.) I used to spend a lot of time of financial sites, figuring out retirement accounts and trying to squeeze our family into a smaller size financially. It occurs to me I haven't read any money blogs in ages. I haven't been giving my nice house the care and attention it deserves. Let alone finding a job.

Eating healthy and getting out there to exercise has gone well this summer-- I'm delighted to be fitter, lighter, and eating better than I have in say, I dunno, twenty years? But I need to find a way to incorporate the changes I've made, automate them, and move on to the next things-- because as a mother of three with (modest) personal and professional goals, I have to be able to turn my focus to the next thing. Without sliding on the gains I've made.

I've come up with "meals" on the Daily Plate that can give me a rough calorie count.
I can assign days for workouts and classes.
I can come up with lunches/afternoon snacks that won't take me off course. (Those are my hardest times).
I'm divided about putting forth an all-out effort (Weight Watchers for example) to get off the remaining 4-10 pounds to make my 10%. (Depending on what number I'm counting from.) The plan has been to reach that admittedly not very low number (170 or so, BMI of 25.8, size 12) and hang out there for several months, possibly for life, depending how hard it is for me to drop lower.

Any advice? How do you all manage life + fitness + healthy eating?

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Gorgeous weather in our part of the world. I Zumba'd today, which is my version of interval training-- huff, puff. And this is what I ate:

B/ Scrambled eggs w/ 2% cheese, Ezekiel toast with Smart Balance

L/ Cherry shake (whey powder, low fat milk, and cherries), 2 oz roast beef, 1/4 of a Wegman's whole wheat ham wrap, 3 squares dark chocolate

S/ Skim milk latte with 2 t sugar

S/ Sugar free pudding with 1/4 cup chopped dates, 3/4 c bean soup

So far that's about 1370 calories, 48% carbohydrates, 27% protein, and 25% fat, with 174 grams of carbohydrates and a rather lame 17 grams of fiber. Dinner is meant to be a piece of made-by-me chicken parmesan and spring mix with either vinaigrette or some sort of prepared dressing. Clearly could benefit from some more veg/fruit in there-- always a work in progress.

I need to get back to my weights. Zumba is a blast, but I intended it to replace trail walking for extra calorie chewing, not my 5-factor workouts.

Check out this interesting post by Amazon Runner about why she feels more comfortable with bodybuilders than with dieters.