Saturday, April 23, 2016

Passover/Epiphany

I just came back from the most marvelous 24 hours-- it was a house party for Passover, and it was such a delight to be with my husband and daughters and beloved old friends. The cameras came out and I was taken aback, as usual (you'd think you could only be taken aback so many times?) by how big I am. I am All The Way up to the top of my range and I fill like a container-- thighs first, and then finally my face gets fat. I really dislike it when my face is fat.  Being reminded that I'm fat brings up a chorus of tired internal dialogue, like this:

1. Gosh, I'm fat.
(Crickets)

2. It's almost impossible to lose weight, you know. I have a whole bibliography.
(More crickets)

3. OK I lost some weight before, but I gained it back.
(Rippling brook and a woodpecker)

4. Ok, so I could probably lose some weight, I would probably feel more effective and empowered, it would be good for my liver and pancreas and set a good example for my children. But I will crave sweets really bad sometimes. I'll get sore. And I'll probably gain it back.

So-- you gain it back.  Science is pretty waffly on whether this is going to hurt you in the long run. And you never go on harsh diets anyway.  So a gentle, whole-foods diet low in sugar where you lose a pound or two a week is going to hurt you physically? You sure about that?

5. Eh.

Exactly. Do we need a list of reasons?  Such as:

your liver
your pancreas
being tubby when you work a field where looking fit does actually have bearing
feeling unsexy, dismissed, or unseen

6. Ok, so that's not fair. Feeling unsexy is one thing-- being dismissed or unseen because you're fat is outrageous.

Yes, it is. What are you going to do about it?

7. No clue.

Moving on.  

8. Losing weight is quite hard, you know.

It is.  You have to use your head and make room in your life.

9. I don't have any room. 14 out of 16 waking hours are spent working in some capacity or other. It kind of sucks.

I know. I'm sorry. Summer's coming. Hang in there. You could wait till June.

10. I don't want to.

Okay then.  But you have to set up for success.  Why wing it and fail? If you're in, you have to be all in.

11. This isn't fair. I have reams of scientific articles proving how this isn't fair. Did you know that obese teens eat less than normal weight teens?

You are also not in line to inherit a private island in Maine. We're going to get hung up on fair? Wouldn't you rather just deal with it and not have liver disease and a fat face?

12. (Crickets)












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