Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Oog

That was something they used to say in Pogo a lot. I persist in this belief that I can smooch my husband when he is sick and continue poaching his drinks. Does anybody besides me remember my getting sick last fall from exactly this strategic error? I have a tummy ache, which I guess is good from a calorie intake front. Eating hurts. It's not bad, really, probably not even good for any weight loss-- I'm still bouncing around 172 which is lucky, really.

I had a bit of an epiphany. You know when you get a shift in how you look at something, and suddenly you feel fine about it? My self esteem has been shit-canned since I tried to take on more hours at work. (Sorry for the colorful language: that word just says it all.) I felt awful about myself, far worse than I ever felt about being too fat. I kept punching myself figuratively. Why can't I do this, why? I kept trying to find ways of thinking about it to feel all right, but I still felt terrible (bear in mind, all this pressure was coming from inside, not from anybody else.)

Today I was thinking about a book I read called Margin by a physician actually (any shock that he's in health care?)-- in the context of the exponential spike in information over the last few decades. How we keep doing more and more because we can. How margin disappears from our lives in all kinds of ways. And I realized that a margin expressed in time is more important to us this year than a margin expressed in money. And that's okay.

Desperately obvious, right? But somehow it took me two months to be able to put it in terms that I was able to internalize and accept.

I could draw the analogy about how this works in fat loss too, but you all don't need me for that. What I will say is that I am grateful I've been able to maintain my weight even when my free time got sucked up by the proverbial Hoover. I have this idea that I'm going to kick butt when I get a bit of margin back at the end of the month. Will I? Stay tuned!

6 comments:

  1. staying tuned! Wishing you luck! You know, if you watch any tv at all, you can get up and dance during each commercial break! :)

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  2. I remember this same strategic error last time. Perhaps you will learn this time. :-)

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  3. I hope your tummy feels better soon. I'm glad you are at peace with getting more time over more money.

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  4. Ooh, I like this concept of the margin. I hadn't thought of it in those terms before, so thank you!

    Hang in there! And feel better soon!

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  5. I'm experiencing some tummy woes at the moment as well but glad I have today off to recup, doesn't sound like you have that luxury right now. Try to rest up when you can & feel better! xoxox

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  6. Great concept - margins. Makes me wanna pick up that book. Epiphanies are great and I'm glad you had one right at the moment where you seemed to need it most. Hope you feel better soon!

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