Monday, June 28, 2010

Confessional

I will confess in bullet points. Makes it seem more coherent somehow.

* June was a parade of houseguests, intense inlaw discussions, 19,000 hours of ballet rehearsal and performance, end of school stuff, graduation, anxiety about getting 3 kids productively employed for the summer, and fostering a cat which is AWOL somewhere in the house at the moment.

*I hurt myself doing dumbbell rows, but I'm better now.

*My tummy hurts and my ever-lurking health anxiety is at Defcon 3.

*My MIL is failing physically, is anxious and (justifiably) needy and does not wish to be either. She needs more from my husband and me than we're used to, and she has less internal strength to cope. My 79 year old FIL is planning to move to the area this August and my husband will need to divide himself into smaller pieces than he does now.

*I haven't been able to make any time for Finishing My Book, which was supposed to be this summer's project.

*I feel inefficient and divided and mad at myself for becoming so.

*My tummy hurts, did I say that?

*I have been getting some workouts in, eating pretty well, and keeping my weight just this side of red line which is 2 pounds higher than what it says on my sidebar.

I feel like I shouldn't be this stressed because, knock wood please God, nothing is really wrong. But I feel anxious and guilty much of the time which is not how I want to live my life.

Advice, please? Anybody?

11 comments:

  1. Breathe! June is over. Start each day in July with a few minutes of calm, quiet, getting-centered-time. That's my suggestion for dealing with the anxiety and guilt. You've had a lot on your plate and it sounds like there is more.

    Do what you can, when you can and treat yourself as gently as possible as you are responding to the extra demands being placed upon you.

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  2. {hugs}

    Maybe a trip to the doctor for reassurance and some meditation might help?

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  3. Make a trip to the dr to make yourself feel better about everything. Then, BREATHE!!!!!
    I hope you feel better soon!

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  4. I hear you, I get the stress. It is so hard to be overwhelmed with life and not have time for yourself to re-group, fill up emotionally etc.
    Writing about it was a good idea, I hope it was helpful.
    Carving some time out for yourself (and for you and your husband), is really important. Once you have taken care of yourself, there is more energy for the others. See thishttp://ajslevine.blogspot.com/2010/05/put-on-your-oxygen-mask.html
    about the Oxygen Mask, great metaphor

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  5. Oh, I'm sorry you're having so much anxiety! I've been feeling on edge, too, and I've been having some success with Max Strom's "Ocean Breathing". You just sit quietly and breathe in/breathe out, with your mouth slightly so that you can let your breath mimic the sound of ocean waves. It's very calming.

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  6. Stop, breath slowly, repeat.

    I wish I had something else to offer. May the stress give you a much needed break in the coming days.

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  7. A night out among good friends certainly won't hurt!

    XO

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  8. I think we've all "been there." And its great that you recognize it isn't healthy to feel guilty! Just relax...breathe, read some BLOGS of people who have had setbacks and bounced right back. That always makes me feel better AND helps me to get back on track as well. You are doing great, you are working out regularly. Don't fail to recognize when you are doing GOOD stuff too!

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  9. Life sure is demanding a lot from you right now. You are doing a great thing by still getting in some exercise and good foods. (I would have probably reverted to old habits -- hopefully not, because I cope better with exercise).

    We have our lives and the things we know we "signed up" for (marriage, busy kids, etc), but then unexpected things are thrown our way asking more of us (aging and needy parents/IL, health concerns). It's like, "Wait! I didn't sign up for that!"

    Do your kids help out with you MIL? There was a young lady at church who spoke of helping and serving her grandmother. She had to give up some of her social life but was so glad she spent time with her grandmother and got to know her before she passed. She cherished the bonding and learning experiences.

    That's got to be hard on you guys to see her not be as youthful and independent. I'll always see my dad as this 35 year old guy who can do anything. He's 67 now and still vibrant. They just bought a house in my neighborhood yesterday. I'm excited about it, but one of the reasons they are moving here is so I can take help take care of them as they age. I don't want to see them age.

    I hope your stomach is okay. Keep us posted on its status.

    The good news is you have great, active kids. And graduation is always a good thing. Have them seek employment with places that can get YOU great discounts: clothing, DIY home centers, grocery store. (But I guess getting a job to help boost their future dream job is productive, too). :)

    (Thanks for commenting on my post and for the support).

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  10. Anxious and guilty are most certainly NOT how we want to feel, I am so sorry you are going through so much.
    I hope things calm down soon for you and you can enjoy your summer.
    Take a deep breath.

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  11. Hey girlie, just stoppin by to tell ya I left an award for ya on today's blog! :0)

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