Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Ah HA

I figured out my-- would I call it a problem? I think I'm too content, really. What makes for an interesting weight loss blog is intense feeling, whether it's rage (at your fat or the world for being mean about it), determination, anxiety, sadness, smugness, or some combination of the above. I couldn't even bestir myself to step down from my BMI of (checking: ah yes) 29.6 until I got scared about my blood sugar. Hm, fear. Fear is a good one. I've lost 15 lbs solidly, ten since I started this blog. BMI is now (one second) 27.4. I look much more average now-- I used to be notable for being fattish, but now I think I pass. When I shop for jeans the 14s fit, which means I can buy clothes anywhere. (Except that I still haven't found the Perfect Replacement Jeans, which means I can't get any smaller till I find an alternate supplier to Avenue. Help me drop pounds! Suggest a good pair of jeans for the Bootylicious!) I love the changes I've made, don't get me wrong. But I feel sort of left out, in a way. I love the other WL blogs I read, but I don't have their passion for change. I think my body looks reasonably nice the way it is. I'm all about the pain vs benefit equation-- I don't see myself living off of 1400 calories a day to wear a size 6. My eating is not disordered (knock wood, please God-- I avoid the DE blogs, in case it's catching or something). I would like to be slimmer and I would no doubt look more fetching if I zoomed back down to 145 (BMI of 22, 'cause I'm having fun with that calculator.) I could also have some really rockin' matching underwear, but I digress... but I'm not all fired up about it. There's just one thing that pisses me off.

My blood sugar.

That's one number that makes me mad. 111 fasting is unhealthy. Period. I'm mad that it's not lower, I'm worried it's not going to go lower, but I realize I haven't accomplished enough fat shrinkage to get the result I'm aiming for. I want a nice, skinny blood sugar of <100 fasting. If I can't get it with reasonable measures (eating 1800-2000 mostly healthy calories a day on average, exercising 5 hours a week) then I guess I'll resort to the metformin. But I haven't made my 10% yet and I need to keep marching till I do.

3 comments:

  1. I just found your blog through Cranky Fitness' post at: http://www.crankyfitness.com/2009/07/weight-loss-blogs-kickin-ass-and-takin.html and I thought I would say hello. I just started my own weight loss blog today so I will be popping back to see what you've been up to and see if I can pick up any tips or lend support. I sympathize with the whole lack of passion for change, although I don't think I can put my journey off any longer.

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  2. Larkspur, we really have a lot in common with regards to this. While I dieted prior to changing my lifestyle, it was half-hearted at best. It was when I finally got scared that things change. Just a thought, even though you seem well-versed in the problems with your high blood sugar (am I right in remembering you are a nurse?), perhaps you need to go read some pre-diabetes and diabetes stories to get your emotions flowing on the topic. Also, have you thought about looking into other diet types? I think most any diet can be successful for weight loss, but blood sugar is a different issue.

    I hope you find your passion on this. Without the passion, it is hard to maintain a program. On the other hand, being content is a hurdle. I wish you the best in getting past this hurdle.

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  3. Hi, 266! I'll come check out your blog!
    @Steve, I very much agree that pre-diabetes requires a different way of eating. I have cut down my breads, starches and cheese-eating dramatically, plus I have been weight training faithfully. I'm mad it's not showing up on the glucometer :) I have certainly cared for my share of amputated feet etc although I am happy to report the really terrible cases I've seen have been more common among the not-so-compliant. My dad is very careful and does well although he does have painful neuropathy. I am losing weight, but it's slow, and I don't really mind that-- I feel like I'm eating the way I plan to for the rest of my life, except that I want to evolve towards a 3-or-4-cheat-meal concept instead of a "Cheat Day" as those do tend to be a bit dysfunctional!

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