At Ease

I did my workout. But I didn't calculate my calories. I was getting that rigid, angry, fighting-with-my-body feeling from my teenage years. Had to remind myself that my body and I are more or less friends. We need to be nice to each other.

Really truly I am not one of those I-am-so-gross women. I probably have a positively skewed body image (I'm an optimist, mostly.) I look at myself naked all the time and it's usually with admiration :) Vanity is not enough to make me go to this kind of effort, partly because a size 16, while bigger than average, is not big enough to keep me out of regular stores or from hiking with my kids or going on amusement park rides or appearing publically in a bathing suit. I have an affectionate spouse who doesn't seem to object to the view. And I'm nervous about weight-cycling, all reasons not to diet. But there's that pesky blood sugar. I feel strongly about that. I read that exercise and better diet work better than Metformin, so I'm looking at my daily 25-50 minutes of exercise as my Metformin capsule. Not necessarily fun but I'm going to swallow it down.

Eating very well and exercising daily are not too much trouble only if they work, of course. I was pretty discouraged yesterday. I stuck to my resolution and did an additional 15 minutes or so on the elliptical at a good clip, HR around 140, and did not count calories, figuring that would let me out of the conundrum of whether I was eating too many or too few (either of which is believed to interfere with fat loss-- talk about crazy-making). The 5-Factor does not require you to count so that's okay too. (Even if I do eat Go-Lean CRUNCH.) This morning-- tada--

1. My blood sugar was 101! (I wonder if anyone else out there is obsessing about their FBS more than their weight).

2. My weight was 183. On average. I have this analog scale. I hate the digital scale, we got it so my husband can see it. My analog scale is probably a good 3 lbs light but I don't care. Depending on how carefully you step on it you can get a lower or higher number within 2 or 3 pounds. But every morning I step on it very, very carefully, several times, and come up with a kind of internal consensus. It's great! No cold, hard balance scale pronouncing an inescapable truth! I prefer truths with a little wiggle room.

So far today the plan is to eat 5-Factor (this will be week four... huh) and take that fabled walk on the Appalachian Trail or some other sort of brisk prolonged cardio, although walking with seven year olds is not that consistently aerobic. Lots of dawdling (I'm thirsty! I'm tired! I'm bored!) interspersed with racing and/or carrying said child. I could play some basketball with my older daughter. I don't mind getting creamed. And I'm going to try to stay away from the fitness articles, which mess with my magnetic north. ("Cardio To Lose Fat!" "Cardio Doesn't Work!" "Weight Training Burns Fat!" "No, It Doesn't!" "Trying To Lose Fat At All is a Colossal Mistake Imposed by the Patriarchy! Embrace Your Fat Because You're Doomed Anyway!")

I'll just slink away and make a nice protein shake with a tablespoon of genuine, non-5-Factor sugar in it.